Am I trying to convince her or myself?
I still inside. Because I'm honestly not sure.
"Do you?"
This is not the girl I met a few weeks ago. Or did I have blinders on like I did with the father of my baby? Do I see people with rose-colored glasses? How do I rip those suckers off? "I don't understand what's going on, Madi. Why do you sound so angry? Have I done something to upset you?"
I look over in time to see the eye roll.
"Something is obviously wrong."
"I just don't think you should be here at all if you're going to get fed up and leave."
The girl's words hit home, and I connect them to the fact she was already abandoned by her mother. The light changes while I'm still reeling from the verbal sucker punch, and I struggle to breathe. Obviously me helping out is more impactful than I thought, and I double down on my determination to succeed.
Dazed, I get us moving, and it's only two more blocks to the bookstore. I pull into the free space out front, amazed it's available given the time of day. "Madi?—"
"I have to go."
"Madi—"
The door slams shut, and Madi practically runs into the bookstore.
I glance up at Dani in the rearview and find her father's eyes staring back at me. Now she looks upset, too. "Dani, honey, you know that if I get a different job, and I can't stay to take care of you, that someone else will take my place, right? You won't be alone."
She blinks at me, looking sad and wary and suddenly much older than her tender years.
"But what about Daddy?" she asks in a low voice.
"What about your daddy?"
"Is Daddy going to be okay?"
I smile and nod. "He's going to be just fine."
"Are you sure? Because he's grumpy and sad, too."
Grumpy and sad, too? Is she referencing me? Or Madi? I suppose I have become grumpier as the week went on and my nerves frayed a bit. But I choose to focus on Kace. "Sweetheart, you have to remember your dad is used to being up and about doing things. And his leg and the burns hurt. Pain makes us grumpy, so we have to give him some grace right now, yeah? As his pain eases up, he'll go back to normal."
Dani blinks at me and searches my face as though seeking any hint of untruth. I add a smile and hope it helps reassure her.
"But…"
"But what?" I ask, urging her to ask whatever it is that's making her look so sad.
"Will he be able to run again? He always runs while I ride my bike. Sometimes we race."
I picture Kace in the recliner with his leg propped up. I'm not a doctor, but I imagine the compound break will be painful for quite some time. Months. Maybe even years? As to running… Will he be able to run? How long does that type of injury take to truly heal? Is that question another factor in his grumpiness? Is he wondering if his career is over?
For the first time, I realize I'm not the only one at a true crossroads. His injuries could be career ending. At the very least, I suppose he'll have to pass a physical in order to go back to work. Will he be able to?
As the doubts and questions bombard me, I struggle to find the words appropriate for a six-year-old. "I'm not sure, Dani. It'll be a while until his leg heals, you know? But the important thing is that it will. And, hey, maybe I can jog a bit with you later if you promise not to go too fast."
"Really?"
That promise turned the tide, and her little face lit up with a grin that soothed the worn edges of my soul. I hit the blinker to pull out into traffic and check for oncoming cars. "We'll see. I've been missing my morning runs. I need to get back to them. But I probably can't go very far." I know I won't be able to run the entirety of my pregnancy due to my size, but I do miss my routine. I had a great place to jog in California and found it helped to calm my anxiety and clear my head after work. I haven't gone running since I've been in Carolina Cove, and that needed to change. For my mental health if nothing else. "Let's go do our errands, and we'll try this afternoon. Just a short one if I can. Okay?"
"Okay. I can't wait!"
