Jaxon sits across from her comfortably, like he belongs there. “This looks amazing, Em.” I almost laugh out loud. Of course a grown man would love mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. He's practically still pubescent. I grin at him and he shrugs his shoulders.
“It’s Mercy’s favorite dinner,” I say, spooning a big helping onto her plate. “Mac and cheese with chicken nuggets on the side. She would eat it every single night if I let her.”
Mercy nods quickly, her mouth already full. “It’s the best. The nuggets are crunchy on the outside.”
Jaxon smiles and takes some of both. He tries a nugget first and gives an approving nod. “These are really good—nice and crispy. And this mac and cheese is creamy. You nailed it.”
I sit down and scoop some mac and cheese onto my plate. Mercy is already talking a mile a minute, waving her chicken nugget around. “I dip them in ketchup first, then I smoosh them in the cheese sauce so it gets all melty and gross.”
Jaxon grins and takes a bite of his own. “That’s actually genius. What else do you like?”
“Purple!” she blurts, hands flying everywhere. “I want a purple bike with a basket on the front. Did you know I can almost ride my two-wheeler? Mommy says that I have to wear a helmet but it makes it hard to hear things then. But I like riding my bike."
Jaxon laughs under his breath, eyes soft as he watches her. I sit there chewing slowly, throat getting tighter with every second. This is exactly what I kept from him all these years. The thought hits me square in the chest. I blink rapidly and force another bite down before the tears start to build.
Jaxon glances at me, then turns back to Mercy. “So what do you like to do after school? Your mom says you draw a lot.”
“I draw everything,” she says proudly. “I made a picture of our bakery today. It had cookies in the window.”
“I’d love to see it after dinner,” he tells her, but something tells me as excited as she is, I won't get her to finish dinner before she's going to get them.
"Yes," I caution, catching her eye, "after dinner."
My chest squeezes again. He is so gentle with her, so interested. Every time Mercy giggles at something he says, I have to fight the tears that want to come.
"Thank you for having me, Emily. This made my entire week so much better." Jaxon reaches over and touches my hand lightly, and Mercy seems to notice it. She blinks a few times and shoves three chicken nuggets into her mouth in one fell swoop.
"Uh geh ick-ur," she mumbles with her cheeks stuffed so full of food she looks like a hamster storing grain.
"Ah." I click, shaking my head. "Chew, and swallow. You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full of food."
Jaxon snickers as he takes a few more bites, but Mercy scowls at me while I stare her down, making sure she stays seated while she finishes her bite. The plate is mostly clean, though if Jaxon weren't here she'd be piling more onto her plate for sure. When she swallows and sticks her tongue out at me, it's my turn to roll my eyes at her.
"Now, what did you say?"
"I said, I'll get my pictures. Can I go now?"
I smile at her and point toward her plate. “Only after you take your plate to the sink and rinse it like we always do.”
Mercy huffs but slides off her chair, grabs her plate with both hands, and carries it to the kitchen. I hear the water run for a fewseconds before she dashes back through the dining room. “All done! Can I go now?”
“Yes, you can go get your pictures.”
She lets out a happy squeal and runs down the hallway, feet pounding on the floor.
The second she disappears around the corner, Jaxon reaches over and slides his hand over mine on the table. “Thank you again for letting me come tonight, Em. I know this isn’t easy for you, but it means a lot. More than you probably realize.”
I turn my hand over and squeeze his back, lacing our fingers together. “I’m glad you’re here. It felt right. Scary, but right.”
He rubs his thumb across my knuckles, and he looks starry eyed. “She’s incredible—smart, funny, full of energy, just like her mom.” He gives a little laugh. “I can’t believe I get to sit at the same table as her and eat chicken nuggets. Feels surreal.”
I let out a breathy laugh too, and my eyes start to sting again. “She likes you. I can tell. She doesn’t usually talk that much to new people.” It really does warm my heart that she's so warm to him already. It'll make it easier when we finally decide to tell her that Jaxon is her dad. It might be a while before I’m ready but he's here now. I just don't know if I fully trust that he's gonna stay here permanently.
“Good. I want her to feel comfortable around me. I don’t want to rush anything, but I’m all in for this. For both of you.”
Pushing away my doubts, I turn back to my plate of food and take another bite. I can hear Mercy digging through papers in her room, humming to herself. My heart feels too full and toofragile at the same time. When I don't say anything, he seems to act nervous.
Jaxon lifts my hand and presses a quick kiss to my knuckles. “Whatever pace you need, I’m here for it. No pressure.”
