Chapter 45
Tessa
Therewassomethingbeautifulabout being stuck between two planes of existence, seeing the world around you through a lens that wasn’t quite your own anymore.
I watched as Lucas and Levi spent hours at my bedside, like watching a movie with no sound. I couldn’t hear anything that was spoken between them as they argued, comforted, and cried their way through the night. Their body language said everything; it showed the pain, the anger, and the frustration from what I’d done.
But it also brought forth the love and understanding they had forced themselves to accept. And suddenly I wondered why I had ever done it in the first place.
Why didn’t you just leave when you became an adult?
There were a thousand reasons why I never had the option, even after turning eighteen and being allowed to make my owndecisions—like moving into my own beach home and leaving my parents’ house for good.
A clean break didn’t exist, and by the time I could’ve tried to leave, I had become so broken and alone that I didn’t believe I held any real value outside of the cage I grew up in. I had no worth off a stage set…
Fear controlled my life, from start to finish.
The fear of failure, disappointment… of being forgotten. Craving the attention of others is a fundamental human need, and I craved it more than anything. Some days, I strongly believed that their approval was the only thing keeping me going…
Just because you have control in your life doesn’t mean you have it entirely. There’s always going to be something holding you back, steering you in a direction you no longer wish to follow.
I was born and raised in the life of fortune and fame. You don’t just wake up one morning and leave everything behind because you’re over it. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t ghost an entire fan base and expect them to respect your choice and leave you alone.
They will always pry. Always come for you when you least expect it. Which is why I saw no other alternative, and yet now, watching the two men before me who had become my entire world, crumble at the sight of my reckoning…
There are things in this world that you can’t control, and sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and see where it leads you, accepting the consequences along the way.
Just like before, I had two choices. To stay, or to leave. I dragged my attention away from my shattered husbands to the door on my right,and I saw a beaming bright white light shining through the crevices of the doorframe. An outline of a beacon that was calling to me…
Come home…
Come home, princess…
Come back to me…
Don’t walk through that door, Tess…
Myheadfeltasthough it had been submerged underwater for a long time—disoriented, the voices around me bouncing off the walls of my skull, pounding against my brain. At the same time, Lucas’ plea continued to echo in my head along with another…Teddy? He was here?
It was a struggle to force my eyes open, something tugging at my eyelids with a blinding light, as another, new and unknown voice entered my fogged-out mind.
“Well, she’s definitely responsive. Eyes dilating nicely…” The foreign voice snapped his fingers at me. “Tessa?” My lashes barely parted, revealing nothing more than black splotches against a blurred background of creams and browns. “Tessa. How are you feeling?”
“I’m—Fine? Who are—Where’s Teddy? Is Teddy here?”Did I imagine him?My throat felt like sandpaper as I spoke, dry and rough. I couldn’t utter a sound above a whisper, no matter how hard I tried.
“Hey…” His voice was soft spoken, the tone he always used with me, and one that I’d longed to hear just one more time. A reminder that I had someone to lean on when I needed it most. “I’m here, Tess.”
“I’m-I’m s-sorry… Teddy.” I struggled to form words, but I needed to apologize. For the way I said goodbye, for the way things ended between us, for the regret I continued to carry after the day he left. “I’m so, so sorry…”
“Shh… Don’t.” I still couldn’t see him as my vision evened itself out. But I felt his warm palm as it rested against my forehead, his thumb therapeutically dragging along the center of my brow. “You’ve been through enough. You need the rest.”How did he find me? I never told Lucas or Levi about him…“But I will admit, amongst the chaos you tend to create, you managed to find two solid men this time around.”
Of all the times to bring out his Dad humor—which he absolutely sucked at—this had to be one of them…
I brought my hands up to rub my eyes, growing frustrated with the haze that was blinding me to the people in the room. When I blinked them open once more, the first set of eyes that caught my attention were those of bright sky blue.Lucas and Levi. My husbands, and the reason I’m continuing to breathe.
There was a large part of me that clung to survival. My soul and heart clawing their way back home, refusing to break, fighting for love.
They didn’t need to be here,I shouldn’t have been here… But there they were, and I unraveled all over again—hating myself for yet another poor decision made by an unstable and fragile conscience.
