Chapter 33
Tessa
Fingerstangledthroughthestrands of my hair as I felt Levi’s palm settle against the side of my neck, and my eyes flicked open to meet his stare. The feeling of one man’s unconditional love paled in comparison to what it felt like to be loved evenly by both Lucas and Levi in an infinite capacity.
So why was it so hard for me to let go? Every time I tried, there was something that held me back, something preventing me from falling all the way…
“Babygirl…” His sleep-induced rasp was enough for me to know that he’d only just woken, and the first thing he did was play with my hair. Instead of looking for a reason to leave, he found an excuse to stay and linger a little longer.
“What time is it?” I tilted my head toward the sheer curtains behind me to see how high the sun had risen.
“Does it matter?” Levi yawned, pulling me and my attention back to him. “I don’t plan on leaving this bed anytime soon. At least, not if you’re in it.”
“What about—”
“Luke? I’m sure he’s already made plans at the gym to train with the rest of the dancers this morning and won’t be back until lunch.” Levi turned onto his back and stretched out long, rolling his wrists and ankles in the process. “And before you even think it… I do care about my brother’s feelings. You aren’t the first woman we’ve shared, but you areand will bethe last.”
“How do you two make something so complicated seem easy?” I questioned, furrowing my brows, still unable to fully comprehend our current situation.
I was excited about what we were doing, not having to choose between them, and the overall idea of having both. But, never in a million years could I see myself sharing a partner with someone else, let alone my sibling. I could only imagine the selfishness; the jealousy.
“Because we value our relationship too much to allow anyone to destroy what we have. Luke and I can be greedy and selfish at times, sure, but as long as ultimately, we both get what we want, does it really matter who had it first?”
I suppose that’s one way to look at it…
“What about jealousy? Wasn’t that ever a concern for you?”
“Hard to be jealous when we’re standing on an equal playing ground. Did you forget that we’re carbon copies? Aside from Lukeone-upping me in the piercing department, we are essentially the same in every way. What’s there to compete with?”
Point taken…I didn’t want to pry further, but the way these two talked about each other and their bond was… Heartwarming.
“Lucas mentioned that you two had a rough life…beforeall of this…” Pressing my lips between my teeth, I stalled. Unsure of how to articulate my train of thought without offending or upsetting him.
“Did he now? What else did my brother tell you?” His voice was soft and calm, unbothered by my interest in their backstory.
“Nothing in too much detail. Just how he loved and cared about you and your relationship. Similar to what you just said, but phrased differently. And that for the longest time, the two of you have only ever had each other to depend on.”
Levi forced out a sigh, dragging his tongue along his inner cheek as his eyes wandered from mine down to the sheets, lips puckering and rolling together in thought, as I patiently waited.
“It wasn’t necessarily aroughlife… There was a time when family was everything to us, and we had—what we thought—was the perfect upbringing. But as we grew up, we became more problematic—susceptible to peer pressure, bad influences, and all the other forms of destructive behavior that came with being a teenager. Our parents inevitably started to fight…because of us...”
I swallowed, staring attentively at the side of his head as he continued to speak, his eyes fixated on the bedding, flicking from side to side as if recalling memories from an old photo album.
“In the thick of it, my father turned verbally and emotionally abusive when our mother fought to defend us. Eventually, she buckled under the pressure, and when the time came to actually pick sides…she chose him. We weren’t delinquents by any means, but I’ll admit we were far from the idyllic sons they’d expected us to be. I guess that’s the downside when it comes to unrealistic expectations… No matter how hard you try, you’ll never manage to meet them. In the end, all they do is set you up for failure.”
“And so…”
“So, all I had was Luke after losing the one woman who I believed would love me unconditionally, flaws and all. She was the first and only woman I’ll ever allow to break my heart. My brother wasn’t as close to her as I was, so he didn’t hold our mother accountable for her decision and got over the loss a lot faster. I still think back to the memories of our past and miss that piece of me, one that I’ll never get back...” Levi paused, just before lifting his gaze to meet mine, and it was as if the blue of his eyes had deepened, taking on a more vibrant and vivid shade. “At least… I thought I’d never get back.”
His intense gaze held a one-way ticket straight into my heart, overwhelming it with emotion and profound understanding of why they were so protective of one another. I knew that agonizing feeling of abandonment and disappointment all too well…from my father.
“Levi…”
“I’ve done a lot of things, made thousands of mistakes, butyou… Finding you is like being given a second chance. An opportunity tofinally experience what it’s like to have someone who sees past the flaws, to reach the surface and breathe sweet air instead of suffocating under a blanket of silence.”
He spoke to my soul, without even trying.
“There’s so much that I’ve opened up to Luke about. I don’t and won’t ever hide anything from him, but unloading my innermost thoughts onto my brother is no longer enough. I’ve been craving the attention and affection of a woman who can make me feel faultless and forgiven, no matter the reason. And no one has managed to come close to doing that faster than you.”
