Chapter 36
Tessa
Processingatruckloadofinformation over a two-day timespan was mentally taxing. Having an open mind made things easier, but only slightly. There were still decisions to be made, each with its own set of consequences.
I didn’t want them to sense any of my hesitance. I knew it was a minor, fleeting feeling, and all I needed was a little extra time to adjust.
Choosing to remain married to Lucas and Levi required no further consideration. I knew I had fallen for them and would only be doing myself a disservice by denying my feelings the opportunity to breathe out in the open.
Of all the mistakes I could make, turning a blind eye to those two men would be one of monumental regret; so I embraced them, instead of running away like a coward.
The secret society and murder, on the other hand, would take a little more consideration, but it still wouldn’t stop me. While I’ve never even auditioned for a role that would’ve placed me in a similarfictionalscenario, that didn’t leave it entirely off the table.
I could complete the requirement… right?
I mean, even now, I found myself leaning toward violence when cornered, more often than not; the night in the alley triggered something inside me, like unlocking an ancient door that had been bolted and welded shut for centuries—probably for good reason.
What if I was messed up?
What if I wasn’t meant to be murderous?
What if I couldn’t go through with it?
Lucas and Levi never formally disclosed what would happen if I failed my test. I just automatically assumed that the repercussion would be death, and they never suggested otherwise—secrets… taken to the grave. I suppose there was always a little truth behind the stories that made it onto the big screen.
“You ready, babygirl?” Levi called from the doorway, and I tipped my head to the side, seeing him from the corner of my eye. I sat at the edge of Lucas’ bed facing the window, holding my wig in my hands.
The three of us had to work tonight. However, this would be my first shift back at Pulse as more than just Evie Sinclair…Mrs. Castiel.
“Yeah… I just… need another minute.”
Every choice until this moment had been easy. Why was it so hard for me to just let the world see me for who I truly was—who I am?
“If you’re more comfortable wearing the wig, then you should. We understand.”
“No, it’s not that… I mean it is, but it isn’t.”
Tessa was too well-known, easily identifiable, and right now, I just wanted to remain in this pristine state of bliss—a nobody to everyone but my husbands, for just a little while longer.
Turning my attention back to the wig, it felt like a crippling weight resting at my fingertips. I felt the mattress sink beside me, and then a set of strong arms pulled me into a warm and comforting embrace. Levi’s cologne enveloped me in a cocoon of serenity, and all I could imagine was being submerged in his scent.
“Why don’t you take the night off? Lucas and I will be back right after closing.”
“I’m not going to hide myself away in this penthouse, I did enough of that in Malibu.” I leaned into his embrace, pressing my temple against his shoulder. “I just wish I could sayfuck itand not care what anyone else thinks of me. I’m so tired of pretending that I’m-I’m—”
“Perfect?” Levi’s hand caressed the column of my neck, and my eyes fell shut before I allowed the tears to have a chance to fall. No matter how hard I tried, these fragments, these tiny spurts of overwhelming disappointment and depression, continued to hunt me down as if I were their prey to feast upon. “Babygirl, you don’t need to pretend to be anything. You are a fucking gift. Thesilver lining to our fucked up lives that fell into our laps and gave us purpose and a future. Luke and I thought we had it all until you showed up and made us realize that we were missing a vital piece to our existence. So whatever is eating at you, convincing you otherwise, is wrong.” The pad of his thumb dragged across my trembling lower lip as his voice lowered and slowed. “So, fucking, wrong.”
I let his words sink in as my body relaxed, the tension and self-deprication fading into white noise.
“We’re going to be late.” Lucas sang from the hall, and my mood promptly switched gears as I tilted my head back to see Levi’s beautiful blue eyes smiling down on me.
“Come on. Before he decides to make usallstay home, and you know he fucking would.” He kissed my forehead with a lingering inhale before letting me go and then stood from the bed. “We’ll meet you by the elevator when you’re ready. Take all the time you need, babygirl.”
Sighing to myself as he exited the room, I could hear the two of them having a moment of their own on their way out the door, and it made me wonder why I held onto all this doubt in the first place. Why I felt like a prisoner in my own body…
One more night as Evie… Just one more.
Tryingtobeasnonchalant as possible, we separated upon arrival. Lucas and Levi made a direct beeline to their office while Istrolled to the locker room, alone. They wanted a grand entrance with poppers and confetti. I just needed one more evening of flying under the radar.
