“I saw the form,” said Elrion, his voice hard. “I saw your signature.”
“Oh,” she said. “It was a mistake. I tried to go and take it back, but they would not allow me to. I hope that you cleared it up and that they will not trouble you anymore. Iam sorry.”
She really was sorry, and she did wish she could take it back. She had been up late last night, feeling awful about it. When she thought back on doing it, she could hardly remember why she’d even done it.
It wasn’t Nathre she was truly angry with.
It was Dathor.
But somehow, it seemed easier to punish her than him. Somehow, it preserved her love for Dathor to blame that orc woman.
Even still, it was too harsh. It was the wrong thing to have done, and she knew that. But it was the way of anger. Had she not witnessed the steward saying things to Celedin he could never take back?
Sometimes, people did awful things when they were angry. She supposed she was just like all of them, no better or worse.
“I did not ‘clear it up,’” said Elrion. “They took her. There is not even a trial. You know this. You know how it works. You know that she is being kept in a pen with other orcs and that they will herd them all like cattle and shoot them if they do not do as they are told.” His voice was rising. She had never heard him yell before. “You know and you did it anyway, and I cannot thinkwhy.”
Truthfully, she had not really known that. Perhaps she had known it, in an abstract way, but she had not really thought it all through, what would really happen to Nathre. Sending the woman away to have the baby in Arzakh had seemed an inconvenience, not something dire. Aerhril cringed from him. “W-well, there must be something we can do. We will go and get her back. I will sign a form saying I was wrong, that I was mistaken. We—”
“There is not,” he said. “I could go to the capital for relief, and I might get someone to send an order back to release her, but she would already be across Rathog Pass by the time I got back. And I would be told that I could go across and fetch her. But we can hardly imagine what might become of an elf in Arzakh. You have sent her away and shecan never come back. Why?”
She didn’t say anything.
“We had discussions,” he said. “You and I, we spoke of orcs and you seemed to agree with my stances. But I suppose you didn’t? You simply wanted me to marry you, and then you would get rid of all of my orcs.”
“No!” she cried. “No, I do not have anything against orcs themselves, clearly.”
“Clearly?” he repeated and then let out a harsh laugh. “Clearly. But look what you have done. So, all I can think is that deep down you believe we must send them all back where they came from.”
“No.”
“Nathre has never been to Arzakh, you realize? She was born in Lothnehil, and she has never known anything else. She must be so very frightened and so very alone—”
“Oh, I repent of it!” It was agonized. “I wish I had not. I tried to go and retract it, but they would not allow that, and they said they must investigate since I had made the report. It was one moment of ugliness, that is all. If I could but take it back.”
He stopped walking. He put his hands in the pockets of his trousers. He regarded her.
She faced him, twisting her hands together, absolutely flooded with guilt.
“Why?” he said. “Why, a moment of ugliness? What could Nathre could possibly have done to bring it on herself? You have barely interacted with her.”
She ducked down her head, shaking it. “It was wrong, and I must find some way to make it right, that is all.”
“There is no making it right, I’m afraid.” He sighed heavily. “I can be a forgiving man. You are young and you have lived a very difficult life. But I need to understand it, and it does not make any sense. Help me understand.” He licked his lips. “You have latent orc prejudices, of course you would. You must have…” He sighed. “Why did you insist on bringing Dathor, then? When you speak of him, you do not seem prejudiced.”
She bit down on her bottom lip.
“Dathor, however, well, I was going to have to have a conversation with you about him. The truth is, and I don’t mean to be indelicate, but Nathre’s situation is doubly horrifying because she is with child.”
She didn’t react. She only sucked air through her nose.
“You knew.” He furrowed his brow. “How did you know?”
“Dathor told me,” she said.
“So Dathor knows?”
“He said he would have to marry her,” she said.
