I had a strange dream about Hannah. She was stood in the forest surrounded by flowers with a huge pregnant belly with her boys and Lois around her. It filled my heart with joy seeing her so happy. My dreams can be so weird sometimes.
“I have brought you up a tea and toast. Was it a heavy night?” She smiles.
“I did have a bit too much,” I reply with a frog in my throat from under the duvet.
“And you came home alone, I see.” Her voice is inquisitive.
I pull the covers over my head in haste. “Granny!” I smile. “But yes, alone.”
She pats my leg and starts folding the clothes I tore off so I could just roll into bed.
She chuckles to herself. “Did you have fun?”
“I did. Lois and Hannah are just lovely and Sam… he’s, well, lovely too.” I know I am blushing, but I try hard to hide it.
“They are. They are good people to surround yourself with.” She smiles, placing my skirt on a chair by the dressing table.
I pull myself up to sitting, my hair falling in front of my face. I have to take a breath, so I don’t throw up. After Greg called, I did rage drink another bottle of wine, so I am really not feeling fresh.
“How was the fair?” I ask.
“Grand! We sold the lot which was good and have been invited to three more that they run around the country so that will be some more income for us.” She rubs her hands together.
“I feel awful that I’m not contributing.”
“I know you do, and I know I have told you not to, but I also know you still won’t take no for an answer. So, I spoke to Jim. He just doesn’t have the time to run the store now with Fi being so poorly, so I have offered your services. The pay would be minimal, but it will keep you busy. If you want it? No time limit or anything, just to help really. And please don’t feel you have to.”
“Granny, I would love to help. It is about time I get back into working and not just sitting around with Nettle, telling him my woes.” I laugh.
“Perfect. Get yourself sorted and you can take a wander there this afternoon and he can give a tour and tell you what will be expected.” She beams at me.
“Sounds good, Granny. Thank you.” I smile back.
“You’re welcome, Harri.” She stands up to leave but then sits back down. “Harri…”
“Yeah?”
Her eyes narrow into mine. “I feel like something is bothering you.”
“Me? No, I am all good. Just very hungover.” I nervously laugh. When Granny stares at you, she is looking into your soul.
“Harriet…” She looks at me over the top of her reading glasses.
My shoulders drop, and a sigh falls from my throat. “Just… this stuff with Greg. I’ve got to go back at some point and face itall and it’s just playing on my mind. I love it here, but this is not my home, is it?”
“Of course, it is! You can stay as long as you like, Harri, even if that is forever, but I agree that you need to make peace with whatever it is you feel you have left behind.” She holds my hands in hers.
“I’m just so stuck, Granny.” I feel the lump in my throat begin to crawl up and my eyes begin to sting. Oh God. I am going to cry, aren’t I? The tears spill over the edge and pour down my face. “I don’t know what’s for the best.”
“Oh, sweet girl.” She flings her hands around me and holds me tight. “You know that you will do what’s right, Harri. Do what’s right for you and if that means you need to be back in London then so be it. But we will always be here. Always.”
She dries my tears with the corner of her cardigan. It’s soft and warm on my cheek. Everything about this woman oozes sweet grandma and I feel so lucky that she is mine.
“I know you will. I just don’t want to let anyone get hurt…” My voice is a mutter of sadness.
“Sometimes people do get hurt unintentionally. It is different from intentional hurt. Intentional hurt is your responsibility to correct but unintentional… well, sometimes that has to happen for us to get to the place we need to be. Does that make sense?”
I nod. “Yeah, it does. It just sucks making the decisions.”
