“Kind of. He thinks it’s more horoscopes and crystals than actually being able to understand people’s feelings and thoughts or Granny moving stuff with magic.”
“And me.”
“What?” Her voice raises a little.
“Shhh!” I put my finger to my lips and stifle my giggle. “I moved the spoon. I used magic and moved the spoon.”
“Wow! That is amazing, Harri.” She gives me a big squeeze and whispers in my ear, “I knew you were special the moment I saw you.” Her warmth embraces me then she pulls me away from her by my shoulders. Her face drops from excitement to concern. “There’s something on your mind.”
“Just the Greg thing.” I turn to carry on collecting some leftover plates.
“We will work it out. You will not marry him. That is, if you don’t want to. We can move. We can relocate and start again.”
“I don’t want you to do that. It would mean leaving the cottage and Pete.”
Sadness hits her face. “But we will, Harri, if it keeps you safe, we will. We will do whatever it takes and if I have to leave tokeep you and Pete safe, I will.” She smiles sweetly. “But, out of interest, what do you think of Pete?”
I laugh. “I think if you are happy, then I am happy. He’s sweet, Aradia.”
She nods while playing with a petal on the flowers in the vase in the middle of the table. Her eyes flick towards him and glaze over with a soft gooeyness. She is smitten. She goes over to help dry the pots. I stand watching them, laughing and joking as they do the mundane job of washing up but just so joyful and happy.
If I choose not to marry Greg, it means my family will have to move. Aradia will have to disappear from Pete. And I wouldn’t see Sam. Either path, I will never see him again. This is painful. Too painful to bear. I can feel my lip wobble, and the tingle around my body. I can’t do this in front of my family or in fact Pete. I pull myself together. And excuse myself.
“I’m just going to get some air.” I muster a semi not upset voice the best I can.
Aradia stops what is she is doing and narrows her eyes at me. “Are you OK?” She knows something is up.
I force a smile. “I’m fine. Just fancy some fresh air after that lovely meal. Might go and get a coffee.” I kiss my aunt’s cheek and my granny’s. “Thanks, Granny.”
Granny looks at me over her glasses. She pauses a moment but lets me go. “No worries, darling, remember to wrap up!”
I agree and turn to Pete. “Nice to see you, Pete.”
“You too, Harri.” He smiles and continues helping Granny and Aradia.
Granny and Pete carry on washing but Aradia watches me for a second. She mouths, “You sure you’re OK?”
I nod and force the smile even more, hoping it blows her off my trail. She is in a happy place at this moment. I want her to stay that way.
I grab my boots, coat and scarf and head out of the front door.The chilly air hits me all at once and my tears spill over the edge, stinging my face in the frost. My nose starts to run again making it feel frostbitten and uncomfortable. I wipe my face with my scarf and start to walk into the forest that surrounds us. I could walk into town but the risk of seeing someone would probably make me cry more. The forest looks bare and tired in the early winter sun. The leaves from autumn are now a muddy mess on the woodland floor along with brambles and bushes.
However, even in the drabness of the moody forest, the birds are still singing above me. A nice reminder that some creatures in this world are free.
Eighteen
I keep walking until my thoughts have muddled into a ball of nonsensical jumble in my brain and my tears have dried up. Nothing has been resolved but being out in the forest on my own feels calming. Kind of. Nobody to let down, just me and the birds and trees in the peaceful dusk.
Oh no, it’s dusk already?
I stop and look around me and see nothing but trees. What time is it? How long have I been walking? Disorientation sets in and a slight panic that I don’t remember how to get home. I am sure I just walked in a straight line, right? Surely? I didn’t bring my phone. And it is not like I would get signal out here anyway!
Breathe, Harri. Breathe.
If I walk back the way I came, it will surely lead me back, at least to the main road so I can get to the village. The sun is setting as I turn back on my heels, and the temperature drops a little more, my breath visible in the now peeking moonlight. I pull my coat in tighter to stop the gnawing cold getting to my bones. Granny and Aradia will think I am at Gloria’s or with Sam. So, they’ll not be looking for me for hours.
Shit.
It’s fine. It’s all fine. It’s not though, is it? I am on the vergeof a mental breakdown, I can do magic, I am discovering my family’s lengthy list of secrets, and I am now lost. Good one, Harri.
