It's clear this operation terrifies him. "I understand." I cautiously step closer but keep my distance just to be safe. It would have been better if he had told me earlier, then I could have prepared Sophia for it.
Hewhirls around. Deep furrows line his forehead. "It's my last chance." His voice breaks. He clears his throat. Several times. "And the prospect of my hand functioning again is slim."
So that's what it's about. His cursed career. That's the only thing he cares about. He doesn't care about what an impairment after a failed operation means for Sophia. It doesn't matter to him if he can be there for her.
"Why do you think your life would be over if your career ends," I say with anger in my voice.
An agitated sparkle fills his eyes. He must have expected a different reaction from me. A bit of pity. Or encouragement. He should be standing up against me now. He should rise before me and explain how foolish I am to think that way. But it doesn't happen. On the contrary. As if his strength is leaving him, he collapses onto the dark brown leather sofa. In a spot where the incoming rays of sunlight no longer reach him.
And as he supports his head in his hands, I feel the urge to sit beside him. To hug him and console him. "Why is the piano so important to you?"
"It's my passion." He doesn't sound enthusiastic.
I take a step toward him. "Maybe it once was. But right now, it seems more like a burden you can hardly bear anymore."
He looks up at me, and for seconds, his gaze meets mine. The depth of his green iris captivates me. "I've fought my whole life to be a pianist. I've defied all odds. I've contradicted anyone who said I couldn't make it." He clenches his fists. "I swore to myself never to give up."
Fascinated, I observe the determined expressionforming on his face. There is so much fighting spirit within him. He seems to believe in his talent, no matter what happens.
"After years of hard work, sacrifices, and dedication, I finally have the chance to prove how wrong he was," he continues stubbornly.
Who ishe? Almost instinctively, I take another step toward him. My knees bump against the edge of the sofa next to him.
"I have to win the award. So the doubters will finally be silenced."
So that's how he sees it. Only through the prize will he know that it was right to hold on to his dream. He fights until he achieves his goal.
Lost in thought, I sink down so close to him that our arms touch. For this one moment, I wish I were as strong as he is. "How do you manage to never give up?"
He turns his head and looks directly at me. We are so close that I can feel his breath on my cheeks and smell the scent of his skin.
"If you truly want something, you have to give it your all. Nothing and no one can stop you. There is only you and your dream waiting for you."
Only me and my dream? "That's a beautiful thought."
He closes the distance between us. "What do you dream of, Maya?" His voice is gentle.
My heart rate accelerates. I shake my head without averting my gaze from him. It's as if a spell is cast upon us, forcing me to look at him. "That's not important."
Suddenly, my hand feels warm. Did he place his fingers on top of mine?
"For me, it is."
Heat rises within me, and I can't even say where it comes from. Is it from his hand on mine? From his shoulder against mine? Or from his eyes, making me feel like he can see into the darkest corners of my soul?
I don't want this. But I can't do anything about it. "My dream was always to help children in difficult life situations," I confess. Surely, he'll tell me it's a stupid idea. Because it's the truth. I better beat him to it. "But of course, that's nonsense. I don't even have a high school diploma, so..."
"Someone very wise once told me that every journey begins with the decision to take the first step." He smiles.
I know exactly who he's quoting. He doesn't know that those weren't my words that left my mouth in Dublin Bay. They belong to my father, and I merely parroted them.
Feeling awkward, I lower my gaze, breaking the spell between us. I should be relieved, but instead, an uncomfortable coldness engulfs me. It's only now that I realize the sun has almost disappeared beyond the horizon.
"I know you can do it. Working with children is your calling. Anyone who watches you with Sophia can see that." He refuses to give up. But why? He shouldn't care about what becomes of me. "Don't wait too long, Maya. For your own sake."
No. This isn't right. He shouldn't look at me like that. And I definitely shouldn't feel this way.
I have to get away. Away from this conversation. Away from him and his longing gaze.
