Chapter 43
Elina
Sometimes minutes feel like hours. And hours feel like days. But the way time stretches now surpasses everything. Nervously, I pace back and forth in the train compartment. The elderly couple sitting in the seats near the end of the carriage eyes me skeptically.
They probably think I'm on drugs. But my only drug is impatience.
I check the time again. It's just past twelve. In ten minutes, I should finally arrive. I've already ordered a taxi to pick me up from the station and take me wherever I need to go.
As a precaution, I pick up my backpack and make my way to the exit. I position myself by the door and observe as the scenery rushes past in all shades of green. With the rhythmicclickety-clackof the tracks in my ears, I try to focus.
"Start from the beginning, Elina," I whisper to myself. "First, check his house. Then the mountain rescue team. If he's not there, look for him at Hanna's. And next, at the observatory."
Yes, that's what I'll do. It's the best order to find him quickly.
"And if he's nowhere to be found?" I ask myself so softly that my words get swallowed by the train's rumble. "And if no one has seen him?"
Then I'll wait for him outside his house. I'll just stay there until he shows up.
I nod decisively. "Yes, that's a good plan," I confirm. "And what will you say to him when you meet him?"
I still don't have an answer to that.
Perhaps that I love him, no matter what happens.
The train brakes, and I sway, gripping the metal handle tightly. Carefully leaning forward, I peer through the window of the door.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we will soon be arriving at Semmtal," announces the train conductor through the speakers.
So I'm actually back. And it feels like returning to my second home. With restless legs, I wait until the train finally comes to a stop. Then I press the door button and rush outside. I jump across the tracks, and moments later, panting, I collapse into the front seat of the taxi. The elderly gentleman behind the wheel raises his bushy eyebrows as I give him the address and calmly steers the car away from the parking lot.
As we drive through the village, I incessantly wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. At least my breathing calms down, but my thoughts do the opposite.
The words elude me, and I search desperately for the right ones. I have to find them, that much is clear. But ever since I made the decision yesterday afternoon to come back here, to fight for a happy future with Noah, my mind is blank.
Let's start over.
No, I can't say that. Desperately, I massage my temples and gaze out of the window. I see meadows with cows, forests, and a deep-blue sky adorned with increasingly dense cumulus clouds.
I don't want to be without you, Noah.
The words struggle to form on my lips as they fail to capture the depth of what I feel inside.
"Here in front?" the taxi driver asks.
My gaze shifts to him, noticing his finger pointing toward a driveway.
"Yes, this is where we turn," I confirm, and we bump along the rugged forest path.
Only a few minutes remain for me to gather my thoughts and decide what to say to Noah.
I won't leave you alone. Never. We'll fight together, okay?
The frustration builds inside me, and my fists clench so tightly that my fingernails dig sharply into my palms as I stare through the windshield.
Up ahead, the trees part, revealing the workshop shed. Behind it, the lake.
"Are we in the right place?" the taxi driver asks.
