Chapter 39
Elina
Lost in thought, I poke at my frozen yogurt with a miniature plastic spoon. The surface of the trench I'm creating quickly liquefies.
"Should we do it?" Maya asks, her voice muffled as if through cotton.
I look up, and the sun blinds me. There's bustling activity all around us. Families rush past us, a group of teenagers lounges on one of the wooden benches under the chestnut trees. Excited screams and the smell of cotton candy fill the air. "Hm?"
My best friend places her hands on her barely existent hips. "The roller coaster. That's why we're here, right?"
Right. Visiting the Vienna Prater was my idea. My conversation with the board of directors at Herzogen Hospital this morning was successful. I got the job. That's great, but I can't even be happy about it.
The hustle and bustle of the Prater was supposed to distract me. I hoped that by inhaling pure adrenaline here, it would finally drown out the oppressive silence within me. But what has worked perfectly all my life is suddenly no longer working.
Not at all.
"Elina?" Maya grabs my arm and forces me to stop. "Should we go back home?"
Home? Where is that? Right now, I'm just staying temporarily at Maya's boyfriend Josh's villa. I haven't even unpacked my suitcases. "No. We can't break a tradition. Let's ride the Megablitz," I say remorsefully although I already suspect it won't cheer me up either.
Maya shakes her head so vigorously that her overly long glittery earrings dangle alternately to her nose tip. "That's a stupid tradition."
With pressed lips, I lower my gaze. "But we have nothing else." The Megablitz is the roller coaster I ride every time another relationship dissolves into thin air.
Every time I realize that no man can love me.
I take as many rides as it takes to forget. Sometimes it's three, sometimes seven. But eventually, when my pain becomes tired, the downhill ride comes, the one that ultimately lets me shake it off. It will be the same today. Because it has to be.
Maya doesn't seem convinced. "Alright," she replies anyway with a forced smile.
As we stand in line for the roller coaster, we silently finish our ice cream cups. In my thoughts, I'm with Noah. I see his angry face and hear the disappointment in his voice. Once again, I reach for his hand in my imagination, but I grasp nothing but empty air.
"I'm here for you, you know," Maya whispers suddenly. "No matter what you need, you can always rely on me."
Involuntarily, I swallow hard as I take a step forward to catch up with the people in front of us. When I returned to Vienna three days ago, my parents shrugged it off. My university friends greeted me with enthusiasm but quickly disappeared after I showed no interest in partying. Maya is the only person who isthere for me. "Thank you," I manage to squeeze out. "But I can handle it on my own." I make a face. "It's not the first time," I add in a sarcastic tone.
I can see in Maya's expression that she wants to reply. But she hesitates, and that's good.
Because no words can have a positive effect right now.
The line continues to move forward, and a few minutes later, we finally take our seats in one of the roller coaster cars. I fasten my seat belt and take a deep breath.
This has to work. Because if it continues like the past two days, I don't know what I'll do.
Only vaguely do I register the starting signal, then the car starts moving. Rattling, we are pulled up the deep red-painted metal tracks. The airy height widens my view, but my heart remains constricted.
We reach a plateau.
It's about to begin.
I close my eyes and clench my fists. "Let go," I whisper to myself as a reminder.
I feel the ground beneath our car disappear into thin air. We're already plunging into the depths, the centrifugal forces pressing me into the seat belt. Children scream, teenagers cheer, and Maya shouts at the top of her lungs.
And me? I spread my arms wide. The wind rushes against my T-shirt, whips through my hair, and dries the tears streaming down my cheeks.
The ride is over much too quickly. We indulge in another one. And then another one. Over and over again, we board the roller coaster car, but each time the result is the same.
