The two of us.
Day by day. Step by step. Moment by moment.
She kisses me back, passionate, intense, full of longing, and deep inside I feel what this kiss means: that we will go on together, no matter how long or short our path may be. That neither of us will ever give up as long as there is hope. And that we will hold on to each other, no matter what happens.
Chapter Forty-Nine
NYLA
Around us, the rain; between us, only warmth. Wrapped tightly in each other’s arms, we dance through the garden and I can’t stop kissing Jaden. Doing again and again what I’ve longed for so much.
Everything we’ve been through together over the past few weeks, everything we thought was right and wrong and somewhere in between, comes together to form something even greater: a bond that will endure, whatever comes our way.
I pull away from him, only a few centimeters, and lock my gaze with his. ‘No matter what the test result says, I’m not afraid.’
‘Me neither. And do you know why?’ he asks hoarsely, releasing me from his arms to take something out of his pocket.
It’s Lilly’s bucket list. Paper that was still torn yesterday, dreams that had just burst, wishes that were supposed to remain unfulfilled.
A future he no longer wanted, now neatly taped back together, lying in his hands.
‘Why?’ Tears run down my cheeks, mix with the raindrops, and seep into the collar of my shirt.
‘Because I made Lilly a promise, and I’m going to keep it.’ His gaze drops to the list. ‘Adopt a dog from the shelter, get up in the middle of the night to hike up a mountain.’ He glances up at me briefly and smiles.
I step to his side. He puts his arm around me.
‘We’ll learn to dance tango, because after that one hour we definitely can’t yet,’ he says, and I laugh at the thought of how we stumbled through the ballroom.
‘We’ll count the stars over Greenland, taste everything we’ve never eaten before, and…’ When my eyes reach the sixth item on the list, I fall silent.
‘…we’ll create the most beautiful garden in the world,’ Jaden finishes the sentence for me. ‘Because we want to be sitting together in Lilly’s garden ten, twenty, thirty years from now too.’
‘We will,’ I reply, even though there’s no way I can know that.
How did Jaden put it?
In the end, all we really have is the present moment. This one breath we are taking right now, this one beat of our heart.
It’s true. No one, whether sick or healthy, knows for sure what will happen tomorrow. Still, we all have more than just this moment. We have dreams worth fighting for, hopes we must not give up, people who change our lives for the better.
And we have more than just our longing. We also have a future that will always shine for us as long as we believe in it.
Chapter Fifty
JADEN
Dr. Becker is sitting across from me in his white coat, smiling at me kindly. My file is lying on the desk in front of him, but I don’t look at it.
Instead, I look at Nyla, who is squeezing my hand and silently forming the words step by step with her lips.
‘Mr Reynolds,’ the doctor begins cautiously, and I feel my stomach clench. ‘We have the test results.’
So this is it. In a moment I’ll find out whether I’m really ill and, if so, what my chances are. How long my path back to a healthy body might be – or whether there isn’t one.
Either way, Nyla will be with me, and that’s the most important thing.
The doctor folds his hands. ‘As Dr. Moore suspected, it’s a Hodgkin lymphoma.’
