I look up. The sight of the infinite expanse of the sky takes my breath away.
‘Three.’
We plunge into nothingness. The wind howls in my ears. The ground is racing closer, yet I feel light as a feather, weightless and—strange as it is—boundless. The roar of theairstream becomes a familiar companion. Freedom floods through me.
I laugh, cry, scream like crazy.
I am alive.
With every fiber of my body.
The parachute opens, and with a gentle jolt the fall is halted. I swing back and forth, my gaze fixed on the world, which still appears so small. Silence and peace enfold me.
Deep inside I feel that I can accomplish anything. And that nothing of what awaits me down there will ever be able to steal this knowledge from me.
How young I was back then. How naive. I didn’t know the slightest thing about what life can do to you. That you can not only accomplish everything, but also lose everything.
To be the old Nyla again, without fear, without worries, without doubts – never have I wanted that as much as I do now, while I look at the toy parachute but don’t dare reach out my hand for it.
Jaden clears his throat. ‘How about these headphones?’
I look in the direction he’s pointing. The pink glittery headphones catch my eye immediately. ‘Yeah, I could really wear those at work.’ If I were a pediatrician like my roommate Autumn. But in the emergency room?
‘Definitely, they’d look great on you,’ Jaden replies, as if he hasn’t realized I just made a joke. ‘Besides, music makes everything better.’
And I need things that make everything better. That’s what he thinks. Maybe. Anyway, it’s what I think.
‘Okay, I’ll take the headphones,’ I say to the stall owner.
‘An excellent choice,’ he replies with a satisfied nod, hands them to me, and wishes the two of us a pleasant evening.
Five hours, countless games, and long conversations about our favorite movies, music, and absurd TikTok trends later, Jaden has me laughing with his monologue about the pros and cons of to-do lists as we reach my apartment building. Me with five balloons in my hand and a broad smile on my face, him looking content. The fabric rose he won at the duck pond game is tucked into the top buttonhole of his leather jacket.
It’s long past midnight and I should be tired, but it’s the opposite. I wish this evening would never end. That life as a whole were like a fairground—colorful, fun, a little crazy.
‘Thanks for walking me home.’ There’s a note of wistfulness in my words; I hear it so clearly that Jaden must hear it too. ‘It was a great evening.’
The light from the front door falls across his face. He looks happy, maybe even a little proud. ‘And at first you didn’t even want to come.’
That’s true. Why didn’t I, anyway?
For hours, I haven’t thought about it, but now reality slowly seeps back into my head: tomorrow—no, today already!—I’ll get my test results.
‘Hey.’ All at once he’s right in front of me. As if he can sense worries bubbling up inside me, he gently brushes his fingertips over my forehead. ‘When you look like that, it scares me, you know that, right?’
I feel the corners of my mouth lift. ‘Me too,’ I say softly.
His gaze follows his fingers as they wander from my temples and cheeks down to my lips. ‘But when you smile like you do now…’
His thumb grazes my upper lip, his eyes find mine. Pure bliss is reflected in his irises, mixed with that yearning glow I’ve seen before.
And also not for the first time, it wraps around me with its strength, making everything around me disappear.
‘What are you doing?’ I hear myself whisper. Hoarse. Longing. Hopeful.
Instead of answering me, he lifts his shoulders. Somewhere inside me, my own voice warns me to leave this alone. To turn around and walk away before things happen that set something in motion that I can no longer stop.
Without changing, he touches my lips. ‘Do you want me to stop?’
