‘Are you my points of contact?’ she asks.
‘Jaden Reynolds, paramedic.’ I nod to the woman and try to pull myself together, but I barely manage it.
I glance sideways at Nyla. Her cheeks are tinged pink, her eyes are glowing. I’d love nothing more than to kiss her again right away.
Today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
However she does it, she’s like a drug you only have to taste once to never be able to get away from it again.
‘And you are?’ The policewoman looks at Nyla.
She straightens her hair. ‘Dr. Nyla Moore. Emergency physician.’
‘All right, then let’s take a look at it,’ the woman in uniform says and signals for us to follow her into the house.
Four hours and countless furtive, questioning, and unreadable looks later, the ambulance turns into the driveway of headquarters. Our shift is over. But what happened today isn’t.
But it’s not just the kiss; what Nyla said about the pain, aboutmypain, also won’t let me go.
Probably because there was so much certainty in her tone. Possibly because no one has ever noticed before that I flood my life with all this light so I don’t have to see the shadows. It wasn’tthe first time she tried to lay my soul bare. But it was the first time I didn’t want to fight it.
I look over at Nyla.
I can still feel the pull between us, just like this crazy longing for a world that is more than just the moment and still doesn’t hurt. Not as intensely as during or right after our kiss, but still far too strong to ignore.
Ray brings the vehicle to a stop, Nyla gets out first. ‘Well then, have a nice evening,’ she says, shifting uncertainly from one foot to the other.
Without letting her out of my sight, I jump out of the vehicle as well and say goodbye to Ray together with her.
‘Should I walk you home?’ I ask Nyla afterwards, no longer understanding myself. Today she dredged up one of the worst moments of my life inside me. I should want to stay away from her; instead, I want to be with her.
‘I don’t know if that…’ A mixture of longing and uncertainty lies in her expression.
‘Do you regret our kiss?’ I ask in disbelief.
She opens her mouth, then closes it again without saying anything.
‘Why?’ Only when the question has left my mouth do I realize what I’ve just done. I’m asking about something that could hurt.
‘I shouldn’t have kissed you.’ With her arms crossed over her chest, she lowers her lids. ‘Maybe it’s better if we forget it?’
She can’t be serious. How could I ever want to forgetthatkiss?
My God, what am I thinking? Confused, I shake this crazy thought out of my head and look up at the starry sky.
‘Really, we kissed? Can’t remember that.’ I try to sound amused, but I don’t manage to be as casual as usual. ‘Was it good or good?’
‘It was amazing,’ she whispers wistfully.
‘Amazing, huh?’ I strain to search the sky for constellations, but since the Big Dipper is the only one I know, I’m done far too quickly. ‘Now I get why you want to forget it. It’s really unbearable, a kiss that amazing.’
I have no idea what I’m saying or why it even sounds like I don’t want to let her go. I look at her. Deep despair dominates her face.
‘This thing here, this thing with us, whatever it is, it might not lead anywhere.’ There’s a note of melancholy in her voice.
‘What? You don’t want to marry me and have ten kids with me?’ I want to grin at her, but it doesn’t work and I don’t understand why. That was a joke; I should be finding it hilariously funny. ‘And what about the common room in the retirement home I just reserved for us?’ I add. ‘Should I cancel that? Think about it again, rooms like that are hard to get.’
Now she lets out a brief laugh, but becomes serious again far too quickly. ‘I’d love to…’
