His breath catches. ‘I don’t know …’
But I know all the more. ‘Day by day. Moment by moment, remember?’ I glance over at him. He remembers, I’m sure of it. ‘We can stop at any time, quit, try again, push through, celebrate small victories, fail, get back up again.’ No one says it has to work right away. No one demands more than he is willing to give.
Lost in thought, he looks at Lilly’s list. ‘A life that outlasts the moment,’ he murmurs.
I’m not exactly sure what he means. ‘A life that outlasts the moment,’ I confirm anyway.
At last he lifts his lids to look at me. ‘We’ll do it together?’ he asks.
I squeeze his hand. ‘Every single wish.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
JADEN
A night of long conversations about Nyla and Lilly and their connection to each other has passed, and by now I also know everything about Nyla’s medical history. Her prognosis is excellent, yet I’m still just as shaken up.
Camee’s diagnosis pulled the rug out from under me back then. The thought that Nyla…
Oh God.
I’ve only just started to imagine a future with her, but what if that future doesn’t exist? On the other hand, it doesn’t matter at all whether she was sick or not. There are no guarantees for anything in life. Not for the good things, and not for the bad ones. She could live to be a hundred, die in an accident in three days, or drop dead from a sudden heart attack at fifty.
Or get cancer again.
I no longer know what to think.
This morning I woke up drenched in sweat, having dreamed of visiting her in the hospital. Even now, as the ambulance turns into the driveway of Halifax Harbor Hospital and Nyla gets ready to bring our patient with the broken upper arm into the ER, I’m wondering what’s going to happen next.
Nyla has offered to go through Lilly’s bucket list with me. I promised I’d think about it. I know she’s waiting for my answer, yet she hasn’t asked again so far. She wants to give me time, and that feels warm in my chest. Just like the loving looks she gives me and our gentle touches whenever we’re alone.
The vehicle stops. ‘The ER team will take care of you in a moment,’ Nyla explains to our patient. ‘You’ll get an X-ray, and then we’ll see what’s next.’
‘Will I need surgery?’ She lowers her eyelids to her upper arm, now turned dark blue, which we stabilized provisionally at the accident site.
Nyla hands her a fresh cold pack. ‘We’ll know soon.’
I open the side door and help the patient out of the vehicle. The three of us enter the emergency department; Nyla’s boss, Dr. Franks, is the first to reach us.
‘What have we got?’ he asks.
‘Female, forty-two, bicycle accident. Severe pain in the elbow area, restricted movement, no loss of consciousness, no signs of traumatic brain injury,’ I inform him.
Nyla gives the vital signs. ‘Which treatment room is free?’
‘She’s going straight to X-ray.’ Dr. Franks points in the direction, and Nyla reports the medication our patient received on scene. ‘Have you checked peripheral circulation and sensation?’ he then asks.
‘Yes, unremarkable before transport, but not again on the way here.’ Nyla opens the door to the X-ray room for us. ‘Hand is warm, capillary refill time three seconds, slight tingling.’
We’d already had the central desk pass on that the woman might have nerve or circulation damage, but even so, Dr. Franks’ expression turns serious now. ‘Let’s see if we can get some imaging,’ he says, then turns to Nyla. ‘Can you stay with the patient for a moment, Dr. Moore? It’s pretty busy today and I want this clarified as quickly as possible.’
Nyla looks at me questioningly. ‘Would you mind doing the paperwork on your own just this once?’
‘Sure, where will I find you then?’
‘Room Two should be free,’ Dr. Franks answers for Nyla and squeezes past me in a rush to leave the room. ‘Thank you for your help, Dr. Moore.’
‘Of course.’ Nyla turns to the patient, the radiologic technologist comes in and helps prepare her for the X-rays.
