Chapter Twenty-Three
APOLLO
I’m starting to understand why Lily thinks she’s a bad girlfriend. She’s not. She’s a wonderful woman. Selfless. Giving her time and energy to those who need it. I don’t want her to give any of it up. I just miss her like crazy. And worry, as her question, “Are you just doing this to placate me,” haunts me daily. I worry that the reason she asked me is that that’s what she does. That’s how she sees the good things she does. Is she doing them because it makes her happy or because she’s set the bar so high, she can’t stop? So she does it out of obligation. Placating everyone.
I’d love to talk to her about it. But I haven’t seen Lily for more than five minutes at a time, except when she falls into bed and I get to watch her sleep before I pass out next to her.
If only I could go with her. Even the car ride to and from wherever she goes would give us some time to talk. And that’s to say nothing of the cabin fever. It’s getting real again, without Lily coming home at her regularly scheduled times. Taking care of her… Doting on her in the little spare time we found had let me forget I never see the sky anymore.
Turns out I’m good at being a boyfriend. The domestic stuff is fun. But she hasn’t even had time to sit at the table for a meal. She eats on the run. I’m shocked I haven’t caught her sleep walking. Or sleepworking. Those five condoms are still tucked away in the bedside table drawer because there hasn’t even been time for a quickie.
Me: I miss you.
Her shift at the bank should be over soon. Sometimes she’ll take a second to reply if they’re not super busy. The clock ticks past five o’clock without a message.
It hurts. A lot.
If I’m lucky, she’ll stop by to grab her food to go. I can at least get my arms around her for a few seconds before she takes off again. Maybe I should just damn the consequences and go with her to Mr. Davis’ house.
If only those consequences wouldn’t fall on her.
I hate not knowing what to do.
The remodel isn’t going to last forever. Another couple of weeks, maybe. According to what little information I’ve gleaned from our passing conversations.
Patience has never been one of my strong suits. I’ll muster every last shred of it. For her.
Just when I’m starting to worry something has happened to her, Lily comes in, drops her purse, and runs into my arms as I walk out of the kitchen. Her body shakes.
She’s crying.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she says, choking on her words. I can barely understand her.
“Do what?” My brain goes straight to losing her. Now I don’t want to know her answer.
“Everything,” she says.
“What do you mean, baby?” My heart twists and I can’t stop the tears gathering in my own eyes now.
I’m going to lose her.
I can’t.
Holy shit.
My brain slams on the brakes and everything comes into focus.
I can’t lose this woman. My life won’t make sense without her. And not just while I’m cooped up in her house. I’d been on the fence about whether or not I wanted to go back to work. The answer has been staring me in the face this whole time.
I won’t go anywhere without Lily.
Please don’t let this be the moment she decides she doesn’t want me.
“I can’t do everything,” she says and I hold my breath waiting for her to say more. “Working all the time and taking care of everyone and the renovations on the house and… Everything. I miss you too,” she says at last and I breathe a little better.
“When you sent me that text, I broke,” she explains. “I realized how much I missed you and I hated it. Because I don’t have to. You’ve been choosing to stay but I’ve been choosing to leave. I’m a terrible person. All I do is work to please other people. But I’ve not done a damn thing to please you in days. And yes, I mean that the way your dirty mind thinks I do. I quit.” She firms her stance.
“What?” I ask trying to process it all. It’s not easy. This is the most conversation we’ve had in a while.
“I quit my job at the grocery store. I don’t need it. I haven’t needed it since Blue and Oliver got married. Oliver paid for her year of college and everything for her nail salon. She’s set. I don’t have to take care of her anymore. But it was my life. It’s all I’ve known for so long I don’t think I knew how to quit. And to be honest, I didn’t have a reason. Now I do,” Lily smiles. A longing sparks in her dark eyes. “I also took this week off at the bank. You and I are going to get sick of each other with all the time we’ll have together now.”
My head is spinning. Part of me thinks she made a rash decision she’ll regret but most of me is so fucking happy I don’t care. Of course, that carefree side of me takes over and picks her up to hold her as tight as I possibly can without breaking her.
As far as I’m concerned, she can quit both of her jobs. I’m set for life several times over. More than capable of taking care of her financially.
“And my first order of business,” she says, her voice gruff and playful, “after fucking your brains out, is to have that girl’s night.”
Keeping a firm hold on her as I carry her to the bedroom to make good use of our ration of condoms, I ask, “Am I still invited?”
“Of course!”
