“Then we’d shake hands, part company, and never speak to each other again. I can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t love the Count.”
“Really?”
“Of course not.” He laughed. “We can have different opinions. It doesn’t bother me. Ruth hatedThe Count of Monte Cristo. She didn’t even make it out of the Château d’If before she threw the book across the room.Literally.” He lifted his hair to show me a faint triangular scar on his forehead. “You wouldn’t believe the air she got on that thing.”
My heart swelled. He rarely acted like this. Playful? Joking? This wasn’t Aiden. Or maybe…thiswasAiden, but a version of him that few people ever saw. Had Ruth seen him like this? Did she miss seeing this side of him as much as I wanted to see more of it? I grinned. Well, she probably didn’t miss the reading part.
Aiden’s hand covered mine, and he leant closer.“All human wisdom is contained in two words,”he recited softly.“Wait and hope.”
My stomach twisted in a hundred knots. Even though I knew those were the last words in the book we both treasured, the guarded look in his eyes hinted that they meant so much more. He was waiting, hoping, but for what? For me?
“I’ll wait.” His steady gaze promised he would. “But do I have a right to hope?” He swallowed. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
“I forgive you.”
He frowned. “But?”
“It’s hard to forget what happened between us. I understand why you acted the way you did, but you know my story. I don’t always trust myself to make good decisions. I see you’re trying. Iknowyou’re trying. But my history… and our history…” I bit my lip. “I’m sorry. I know that’s probably not the answer you want to hear.”
“Forget what I want to hear. What doyouwant, Lola?”
My eyes popped open. “I want…” I faltered.
No one had ever asked me that before. WhatdidI want? The fairytale? Maybe something even better? Should I let the words gush out and allow Aiden to choose if he wanted to be part of my fantasies?
Yes.
Just once.
Yes.
“I want a life with someone,” I said. “I tell myself I’m brave… I’m strong… I know I can do it on my own, but I don’t want to. I want someone who walks beside me, and holds my hand, but watches out for me so I don’t stumble in the puddles. I want to be with someone who doesn’t control me or dictate what I can wear, where I can go, or who I can be friends with. I never want to put my key in the lock and worry about what’s waiting for me when I open the door. I want to laugh and share kisses and make love…every day…and…maybe”—I grinned—“get a cat.”
He chuckled. “A cat, huh?”
“Yes. And I get to name him anything I want.”
The smile on Aiden’s lips faded almost as quickly as it had appeared. Was that too much? I nibbled down on my lower lip, nervous the longer he stayed lost in his thoughts.
Aiden’s voice was strained when he finally spoke again. “I hate that bastard stole so much from you that you wish for simple things you should expect and not have to hope for.”
“I’m happy to hope for simple things. For a long time, even that didn’t seem possible. Every day it feels easier to want a little more, and every day I look less to the past and more to the future. I want you to be part of my future—Ido. I’m just not sure if it’s…” I trailed off with a shrug.
“Lola, there’s no rush. Not for a relationship…or anything else. I like spending time with you, and I think you like spending time with me, too. You want more, you say so. You want to do your own thing, read your books, or watch that awful TV show with the girls, you say so.”
“Really?”
“Your life is yours. I want to be a part of it, but I’m willing to wait and earn my place—whatever that place turns out to be.”
“What if it takes me a long time to fully trust you?”
“Then it takes you a long time. I waited thirty-seven years of my life to meet you, and I’ve got a real nice place up on the mountain.” He answered my confused look with a smile. “That means I’m patient, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“What if I want to take things in the bedroom…slow?”
“Then we take things slow. Lola, we’re working on your list here. I know I need to prove myself. And I know words don’t mean much, but I’m going to say them anyway. I’ll never try to control you. Keep your bank account. See your friends. Wear whatever you want and live your life any damn way you choose. You decide who’s lucky enough to help you through the puddlesand make special memories for when you’re old and grey. I hope that lucky jerk is me, but if it’s not, I hope we can still be friends.”
My list. My wants. The memories I wanted to create. My heart twisted. If I were honest with myself, I already knew what I wanted. I was still scared, but I knew.
