“I don’t feel brave,” she whispered back. “I feel like I’ve taken a hundred steps back to exactly where I started when I moved here six months ago. I feel safe here with you, but soon… I’ll be on my own again… and…and… I’m scared, Aiden.”
“He can’t hurt you,” I whispered before sealing the promise with a kiss on her forehead. “Not anymore.”
“I don’t want to look over my shoulder my whole life.”
“I know you’ve been worrying, but Chris was refused bail. He’s locked away until the hearing. We’ve got time before we need a new plan of attack.” My thumb stroked her cheekbone before I kissed her there. “Sometimes knowing that won’t help, so you just tell me…or Ruth…or Brooke. We’ll be there. You’ll never be on your own.”
“Can I come stay with you sometimes?”
“You can stay with me whenever you want.”
Lola sighed with a little purr of relief, snuggling into me like a kitten, her head burrowed in my neck and her fingers tracing mycollarbone. “And tonight?” Her voice was cautious. “Promise me you won’t disappear again?”
I swallowed, but the knot stayed stuck in my throat. Lola’s fingers stilled on my neck. My silence unsettled her. I’d give that girl the whole damn universe if it were possible, but I couldn’t promise her that.
“Aiden?” I hated the cautious way she said my name. “I don’t like when you sleep on the lounge… or…or worse…”
The words slammed into my chest.Or worse.“Lola, if this is about last night—”
“You know it is.” She propped herself onto her elbow, frustration pinching her voice. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day, but you keep avoiding me by banging around doing who-knows-what in your garage.”
“I told you,” I protested weakly. “I’m working on something.”
“Yes, your big secret project.” Her giggle faded when she touched her hand to my cheek. “Aiden, I was worried. When I found you last night…you were sleeping slumped over the bath…”
“I’m just… My brain’s in overdrive. It’s not your fault. It’s not. But the night of your attack…when I heard you…my brain…and not getting there in time… So much old shit spewed to the surface…”
“More flashbacks?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up? I could’ve helped.” Her voice ached with hurt. “I’ve helped before, haven’t I?”
“Always, love. Always. But you shouldn’t have to prop me up all the time. You’re dealing with so much—too much.”
“Our pasts aren’t going to magically disappear one day. We have amazing moments together, but we need to learn how to make space for our challenges, too. I never want you to feel like you have to deal with everything on your own.”
Instead of listening to her, I dug my heels in like a stubborn ass. “I won’t let my problems be another burden on your shoulders.”
Lola huffed in frustration. “Do you want me to pretend that I’m okay? Hide my nightmares from you?”
“Of course not. I want to be there for you. Help you.”
“Why do you think you should expect any less from me?” She silenced me from muttering about how worthless I was by pressing her fingers gently to my lips.“When we have suffered for a long time,”she recited,“we have great difficulty believing in good fortune.”
A chuckle rumbled from my chest. This girl. “You sweet-talking me with quotes fromThe Count of Monte Cristo, Lola?”
“For a book that’s allegedly your favourite, you haven’t taken much of it to heart.” Her face was still hidden in the dark, but I heard the smile in her voice. “Believe, Aiden. Please? Don’t you think we’ve had enough suffering in our lives? Thingscanget better. I know that for both of us.”
“I want that, but—”
Her fingers pressed back on my lips. “No buts. I’m not asking you to be perfect or to pretend that you have no past or no problems. All I’m asking is for you to be mine. That’s all. Just…mine.”
Hers?I was floating. Dreaming. Was this happening? Not that she even needed to ask. “I was always yours.”
“Good.” She kissed the corner of my mouth. “So, next time you’re struggling, you wake me up. We can count together. Or have a cup of tea. Or cuddle here and talk. Whatever you need. Just…please…stay.”
A weight heavier than a thousand oak trees was stacked on my chest, but I swallowed back the fear. I trusted her. I wanted this. All of it.
