“Lola is so good for you,” she said. “You’ve been different since you met her. You’ve beenhappy.”
I grunted. “I’ve been delusional.”
“Because you finally found a woman worth caring about? Because you can see a future, and you’re shit scared of actually letting yourself be loved?”
“Ruth, none of this matters. It’s done. Over. Lola will never speak to me again.”
“What exactly did you say to her?”
I glared at Ruth with my mouth clamped shut.
“That good, huh?” Her mug clunked down on the table. “You know I’m going to find out anyway, right?”
“I’m sure Yolanda will have plenty of interesting stories about how much of a bastard I am when she next stops by for a coffee. I’m not speeding up the process.”
“Can I use my former police skills to guess?”
“I’d prefer you didn’t.”
“Because you don’t think I can?”
“Because I don’t want you to know!” I raked a hand through my hair. “Fuck, Ruth. You’re the one person I’ve got left on this earth.”
“You’ve got Harry.”
“After what I did, his friendship is still very much touch-and-go at this point.”
Even more disappointment clouded her dark eyes. “Aiden…”
“Don’t you go getting all soft on me now, Ruthie girl. I fucked up with Lola. I deserve what’s coming for me. Your hatred is next.”
“In your dreams, big guy. Try pushing me away and see how far you get. Maybe that worked on Lola. Maybe you did sayall kinds of terrible things to her. But I know you better than anyone. That’snotwho you aredeep down. You and me—we’re fighters.”
“Are you still fighting?”
“I…” She glared down at her hand again. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Not like you used to be.” When she frowned, I nudged a little harder with my next question. “Why don’t you come into town anymore?”
“I just…” She shrugged her good shoulder. “It’s hard to keep pushing sometimes. The looks. All the whispers. No one even bothers trying to set me up on dates. Who wants the weird disabled girl for their daughter-in-law, right? Maybe some all-knowing being up in the heavens gave me another shot despite the odds, but time’s slipping away.”
I rushed back to the table and crouched in front of her. “You’ve got time.” I did my best to give her a smile, but she only shook her head.
“Look at us, Aiden. We’re getting older. You’re thirty-seven now. I’m just about to turn thirty-five. Our chances of having families of our own are running out. Isthisall life will be for us? Alone? Forever?”
My gut clenched. “Ruth—”
“You have a chance for something better. Something amazing. You can act like a total butthead and say you don’t deserve it, but you do. Lola’syourchance.”
“Ruth, I have to let her go.”
“That’s horse poop, and you know it. Everyone in our families deserted us after the accident, but you and I—wedon’t abandon the people we care about. I know you sure as hell don’t.”
“I hurt Lola. I did it on purpose.”
“Then you better figure out a way to make it right.”
“It’s too late for that.”
