“Do you want to talk more about what you said?” she asked. “If you want to try… I want to listen.”
“I’ve, um… Yeah.” I let out a slow breath, but my chest still felt too tight. “I’ve never really talked about this stuff with anyone before.”
“Ruth’s accident was such a long time ago. You’ve been carrying this on your shoulders all these years without talking to anyone?”
“Some things are better left unsaid.”
I wanted to laugh at myself. Some things? More like…everything.
In the months since I’d screwed up with Lola, I’d only existed by floating from one of her smiles to the next. Before her, I’d barely existed at all. Ruth and Harry were all that had kept me going most days, and for a long time, that was enough. They were both important to me.
But honestly… I wastired. And, selfishly, I wanted more.
I wanted to cuddle Lola on my couch. I wanted to bring her eggs and milk because she always forgot to stock up. I wanted to hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek and tell her I’d missed her when she came home from work.
I loved that girl right down to her adorable pink toenails, and if I had any hope of ever being with her, I needed to be honest. That was what we’d promised each other, wasn’t it?
But where did you start when you needed to tell someoneeverything? The beginning? Maybe not the very beginning—like how I was born in the back of a Mitsubishi Sigma on the way to my aunt’s barbecue—but to the beginning that mattered.
“You, um…” I swallowed heavily. “You said you spent some time with Ruth while I was away?”
Lola’s face brightened. “We hung out a few times.”
“Did she talk much about her life on the mainland?”
“Ruth spent all her time talking aboutyourlife on the mainland. I’ve been subjected to her never-ending sales pitch. Let’s see…” Lola started ticking my achievements off on her fingers. “School captain. Football captain. Model citizen. Oh my, and how handsome you looked in your tux for the high school formal.”
I groaned. “Shedidn’t.”
“Oh, yeah, big guy.” Lola grinned. “Ruth got outallher photo albums. She even showed me newspaper clippings of your heroic deeds.”
I sank lower on the lounge. “Tell me you’re joking.”
Lola shook her head, but her smile faded, her expression becoming serious. “Ruth told me you were a police officer. All the photos and articles… You seemed born for it…”
“I was. There were four generations of McKinnon police before me. My father was so damn proud when I was promoted to sergeant.” That was about the last time he was proud of me, too. “Ruth was a cop.”
“She flipped through those pages so quickly, but I saw a couple of photos.” Lola forced a tight smile. “I didn’t ask any questions. She seemed—I don’t know—not herself.”
Those words were a punch in the gut. “Life was good until it wasn’t. Does she still have any pictures of Matthew?”
“I’m…not sure… I don’t think so. Who’s that?”
“Ruth’s ex-husband. He left…after…” My fist clenched by my side.
“After the accident?”
“Becauseof the accident. After the first couple of visits, he stopped coming to the hospital. That weak bastard said he couldn’t deal with it. Ruth was so damn brave. She got through all the surgeries and all the rehab on her own.”
“You were there, though.”
I jerked my chin down in a nod. “Every day. I would’ve been there anyway, but it was the least I could do…after…after what I did.”
A shudder raced through me. My gaze retreated to the valley and landed on the magpies nesting in the twisted arms of the eucalyptus trees, a jury of a hundred accusing eyes. My pulse surged.
No way. I was out of here. I was done.
But I barely got my backside off the lounge before Lola stopped me. Her fingers wrapped around my hand, and she held tight.
