“Jeremy, I don’t understand. What’s not working for you?”
“Everything.”
“You can’t sayeverythinglike that’s an answer. You and Til are my whole life. I love taking care of our home—”
“And I need more.”
Again, that word:more.
Whatmorewas there to give? Whatmorecould he possibly want?
“Did you want me to agree you can buy a boat like that doctor bragging at the party last weekend?” I asked. “How can we afford a boat? Where the hell would you keep it? We live ten minutes out of the city.”
“This isn’t about the boat.”
“What then? Are you still angry with me for not wanting you to go to that tennis tournament? You have a daughter, Jeremy. She only gets to spend time with you one night a week. If we could’ve taken the trip together as a family—”
“Forget the tennis tournament.”
“Why does this have to be a guessing game? Why can’t you just tell me what you want?”
Jeremy’s jaw tensed, and he shifted a sideways glance to the next table before leaning closer. “Because I need…intimacy.”
I scoffed a laugh. Who was he trying to fool? Was this psychiatrist double-talk? Intimacy was cuddles justbecause.It wasn’t ignoring me or turning his cheek when I tried to kiss him hello. At night, if I wriggled too close on the bed, he shrugged me off, complaining under his breath that my skin was a furnace. When I tried to look sexy, well… He’d barely looked at me since I’d arrived. Not one compliment.
“Erin, I’ve tried. Honestly, I have.” Finally, he reached for me, his hand covering mine. “But I can only chase you so far when you keep pulling further and further away. You have been since Lila died.”
I squeezed his hand back, but guilt knotted tight in my stomach. Had I pulled away? Without realizing, without ever meaning to, had I been so stuck in my grief after I lost my best friend that I’d been the reason he’d stopped saying hello when he came home from work? Was the mess plaguing our marriagemyfault?
Jeremy forced his lips to curve up, but his words were nothing to smile about. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You…want…a…a divorce?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what’s best for Matilda.”
I managed a shaky smile. Finally, we agreed on something. We weren’t a completely lost cause. “What then?”
“I want us to consider opening our marriage.”
2
Those Devastating Words in Winter
Erin
“No.”
I said that?Me?And without hesitating for even a second to think it through! I almost floated on the adrenaline. Refusing Jeremy’s ridiculous suggestion had been so much easier than I thought.
Proud of myself, I lifted my chin higher. “I don’t want an open marriage.”
The leather creaked as Jeremy eased back in the chair. His face remained blank except for the slight twitch of his mouth in the corner. That wasn’t the answer he’d hoped for.
I said, “What if we try counseling—”
“You expect me to sit in front of some quacktherapistso we can talk about our feelings? I’m a fuckingpsychiatrist, Erin!”
With my hand pressed over my thumping heart, I glanced at the couple beside us. The woman’s spoon hovered near hermouth. She was listening. My gaze shifted to the couple on the other side. No.Everyonewas listening.
