“I wasthere—”
His fingers curled gently around my arm. “And when you started rambling all those poisonous self-doubts in the bathroom, I should’ve spoken up and not let you fill in my silence, but I never said that.Yousaid that…” He gave a sad shake of his head. “I should’ve corrected you. I should’ve come to find you after we argued, and maybe we wouldn’t be standing here right now…”
My mind spun, and my eyes flitted over the clouds for some sense of stability.
Cal, are you looking at the sky right now? Can you see the puff that looks like the lost goat we found wandering over the hill when we were kids?
Somehow, it would feel easier if Callan and I were centered in this world together. Jeremy was lying. I remembered that conversation. Every word.But like so many times I talked to my husband, I felt unsteady, wrong-footed, ten steps behind…
“Erin.” Jeremy’s voice murmured against my neck, and his hand dropped from my arm to palm my waist. “Come into the city with me tonight. I have a suite big enough for the three of us. We’ll take Til out to dinner… Share a wine… We’ll be a family… And after…”
“A-after?”
“I’ll make love to you. We’ll take our time. Enjoy each other. We’ll remember.” His lips pressed to my jaw. “I did the wrong thing and looked for comfort in another woman’s bed when I shouldn’t have, but it was only physical. In my heart, there was never anyone but you.”
Exhausted, I slumped into the familiar comfort of his body pressed against mine. It would be so easy to move back to Melbourne. The other doctors’ wives would stare at me with envy at every party because my husband was handsome and sovery accomplished. We’d live a comfortable life where money and a respected place in our community were never a problem.
But…
Courage filled my lungs when I took a deep breath.
I wouldn’t respectmyselfif I took that path.
Jeremy said there would never be anyone else, but that was a lie. Just like how he lied about it only being one time. He probably thought I’d turn a blind eye. No big deal, right? It was only physical. He might be able to forget the woman he slept with as if she never mattered, but I couldn’t.
I’d moved on.
My marriage ended the night Jeremy cheated the first time. The righteous anger that fueled those early days in theafterwasn’t even there anymore. Knowing he’d betrayed me since I left felt like a rock hitting shattered glass—there was nothing more to break. There was no emotion to cling to apart from the distant promise of falling for another man.
And not just any man.
Only one.
Flutters ached low in my belly when I pictured Callan’s blue eyes crinkling in the corners. I’d known him most of my life. And maybe it was too soon to have those sorts of feelings. I didn’t care. I wanted to run headlong down that new road instead of turning back.
“Please, Erin. I promise to only love you,” Jeremy whispered. “Ipromise.”
He breathed his lies against my neck, so he didn’t see my smile. I matched his wistful tone when I said, “I’d rather love myself.”
Jeremy’s spine stiffened, and his hand dropped off my waist.
“Your lies won’t work on me anymore. I’ll never take you back,” I said. “But Iwilltake every last dollar you have to raiseour daughter.” I pulled back to flash him my biggest smile. “Ipromise.”
16
That First Confession in Spring
Erin
I handed Callan thebowl of popcorn. “How much did I miss?”
“None.” Callan tossed me the TV remote. “I paused the movie to wait for you.”
I flopped onto the sofa next to him and sank into the overstuffed paradise waiting for my aching body. Mim went overboard with the pillows, and I couldn’t be happier. Groaning, I wiggled in even deeper. A lazy movie night was just what I needed.
Callan slid a glass of white wine down the coffee table. “Did Til get off to sleep okay?”
“Yeah. She’s absolutely exhausted after dragging us around the zoo all day.” I flashed him a sheepish smile as I reached for the wine. “Sorry you lost your bed.”
