She was cute back then, but now, she was fucking gorgeous, and it did something dangerous to me, pumping my veins with desire.
I remember hearing about her dad’s departure, faint whispers at the school. I would pity her, never imagining my life with only one parent.
Then, the worst happened.
My mother left me with the beast, and it ruined me.
Just the thought of that bitch made my muscles tremor. Her guilty yet terrified face when I confronted her at the wedding flashed in my mind.
I wonder, did my rage remind her of my father?
I was a vessel of his rage, and she knew that, perhaps that’s why she looked scared.
I wanted to forgive her for abandoning me, but I couldn’t. So, I built my walls too high and lashed out; that was what I do best.
In the midst of my inner turmoil, Shane spoke again.
“Sabrina was thinking of us all going on a beach trip. A do-over for the wilderness retreat since that backfired. What would you think of that?” He studied me carefully, as if expecting me to reject the idea, but I surprised him.
“Sure, sounds great.”
The idea of it did seem appealing. Maybe I could defrost this glacier forming in my soul.
Shane clapped his hands together. “Great! Sabrina is planning for it to be pretty soon, while it is still warm out. Just letting you know, Amelia will be there. Alex too, and maybe another friend.”
My blood ran cold. Amelia and Alex. The carefully constructed dam threatened to burst.
The image of her at the beach, sun-kissed and carefree, replayed in my head.
How could I possibly share a space, breathe the same air, with her and Alex knowing all the fucked up things going through my head?
But Shane’s hopeful face, the flicker of something akin to normal life, was a crack in the wall, a tiny, fragile hope. Maybe it could be alright.
I thought about Amelia, laughing in the sunlight, wearing a bikini, and I nearly melted.
How the fuck was I going to keep myself steady and calm? This desire pulled me towards her like a dangerous allure. It was hypnotizing, but it felt so fucking good to finally allow myself to think these thoughts without burying them beneath heaps of rage and hatred.
I pulled out my phone. I found Amelia’s chat box and opened it up. I stared at the screen for a few moments before typing out a message and hitting send.
It wasn’t much, but at least she knows now.
6
AMELIA
I hadn’t seenCaiden since that night, when he showed up drunk, but my mind was stuck on the text message that he sent, the words cycling through my head.
‘I’m sorry for last night.’
It was cryptic, like a puzzle that I needed to figure out. Was he sorry for showing up? Or sorry for what he said, in a way that meant he didn’t mean those words? Or was he sorry for everything about that night?
It gnawed on my brain, and I desperately wanted to ask, but I didn’t. I only replied with a ‘thank you’ and left it at that.
The beach trip was coming up tomorrow, and I would have to face him. I was pulled into the calming waves of Alex, somebody who tasted of feathers and sunlight.
Then, there was Caiden. His presence was a tempting darkness, a swirling vortex of deep violet hues that painted a blurred canvas of fear and attraction across my senses; I could almost taste the bitter-sweet tension.
I buried my face in the silk pillow and groaned. Sometimes, the ghost of his kiss still scattered across my lips, and I reminisce about that night.
