Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Coward.”
Sydney’s mouth curved into a tiny smile. “You do look good, Amelia.”
But none of it mattered. Not really. My eyes kept skittering to Caiden, hungry for something, approval? Loathing? Anything that felt real. He just picked at a bracelet from the counter, knuckles white, eyes everywhere but on me.
Push and pull, always. Wanting, resenting, dying for him to look, and then hating myself for needing it.
Alex tried to catch my attention again, still playing the part. “If you were mine, I’d never let you out of my sight.” He said it like a joke, but there was a challenge in it. The words pressed, testing, prodding.
I had no idea how to answer. My skin felt too tight.
The rest of the store was a blur. Trinkets, cheap beach towels, tie-dye shirts. I made small talk and let Sabrina boss me around, trying to laugh at the right times.
But inside, I was trapped in that old, familiar storm. Spinning between memories of cruelty and the painfully sweet sting of Caiden’s mouth.
Next shop. Beachy jewelry, all glitter and shell. Sydney drifted through silently, barely a ripple in the air. Shane and Sabrina kept up the banter; Alex tried to make me laugh about shark-tooth anklets.
But the whole time, I was watching Caiden out of the corner of my eye. Maybe he felt it. Maybe he didn’t care.
At the third shop, Sabrina picked out cheap sunglasses for everyone. “Family photo time,” she insisted, shoving a ridiculous pair onto my face.
Alex leaned closer. “Cute. But I think you’d look better in nothing at all.”
I shoved his arm away, but some part of me liked the attention. Liked it, but needed it to be different. Needed it to be Caiden.
He was lingering in the back, towering and silent. A black hole, cold and heavy, sucking all the light out of the room.
After a while, we spilled back out into the sunlight.
Why did I keep wanting him to see me? Why did I crave that sick burn in his stare, even after everything he’d put me through?
Maybe I wanted to hurt. Maybe I needed to keep peeling the old scabs, because I didn’t know what else to feel.
Colorado proved he could break, too. That he could bleed. He protected me, held my head when I thought I was going to die, and let me see the pieces he tried so hard to hide. But sometimes the way he looked at me now felt like the old days all over again.
I wondered if I was just addicted to the pain.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and tried to laugh along with the others. Alex reached for my shoulder, tracing the line from neck to collarbone. “You want to grab a drink somewhere? Just us?” His voice was soft.
I almost said yes. Almost let myself be normal. But the words stuck in my throat.
Caiden’s shadow towered at the edge of my vision.
Instead, I just nodded, eyes on the ground. “Maybe.”
Movement blurred around me, my head full of static.
I was never going to outrun it. The wanting and the hating. The way he made me feel whole and ruined, all at once.
We kept wandering, group splitting and reforming, always orbiting the same old gravity.
At some point, Shane called, “You guys hungry? Let’s hit the shack at the end of the pier before we melt.”
Everyone agreed, voices blending into a haze. I followed, heart thudding and ears buzzing.
I glanced once more at Caiden, praying for something. But his face was carved from stone, mouth flat, staring straight through me.
Somewhere in the noise, I realized I was smiling. Pretending. Like my mother taught me. Take what you’re given and make it last.
