I'd fallen for him again, a second surrender, and the bitter taste of self-reproach filled my mouth.
So much had changed, yet he was still Caiden, and I, Amelia. Whatever had transpired in the wilderness felt like a feverish dream, my judgment clouded, my perspective distorted
Why do I still crave him?That question lingered in my mind like a screeching ghoul. Why was I so drawn to Caiden Baxter?
“Why can’t I forget about him?” The words escaped in a ragged whisper, lost to the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore. I longed to sink into the cool embrace of the sea.
“Amelia. There you are!” A voice pulled me out of my sorrows. I turned to see Sabrina walking through the sand towards me, wearing a long floral beach dress.
“Hey, sorry. I just wanted to admire the sea for a few moments.” I went to pick up my flip flops and walk back towards the house, but she stopped me.
"Don't worry, I'll wait out here with you. It’s a little tense inside," she paused, sighing, "Sydney just told me she slept with Caiden. She was trying to flirt with him inside the house just now, and he basically dismissed her. I warned him against it since it can get complicated with her; she gets attached too easily."
It shouldn’t bother me, but it did. I felt a sting in my heart, as if it were some sort of betrayal to hear her say that. Caiden wasn’t mine, but there was something between us, despite how I tried to deny it.
I was a walking contradiction. I knew that. I had no right to feel jealous after I kept pushing him away. I don’t want him. I don’t.
“Well, Sydney should call it a loss and move on. She doesn’t know what she’s getting into with him. He’s a damaged mess.” The words slithered out with a sour taste; perhaps I was telling that to myself as well. He was too much, I shouldn’t get involved anymore.
Sabrina raised an eyebrow. “Amelia, honey, we all have our issues. You should know that better than anybody. But I do know how emotionally stunted Caiden can be. Sydney is the complete opposite, which is why I feared this.”
I crossed my arms. “Are you defending him?”
She shook her head, and I instantly felt foolish shame for accusing her. She was trying her best to play the peacemaker, not taking any sides, but showing compassionate understanding towards everybody.
“No, I’m just telling it how it is. Sydney needs somebody who matches her emotional capacity. Caiden has enough on his plate, and he needs somebody who can match his ownemotional needs.” Sabrina eyed me after saying that, and I felt self-conscious.
Was she insinuating that I was a good match for him?
Me? The emotionally unavailable one? The girl who built walls taller than any castle? The idea was absurd. "Maybe he needs somebody different," I stammered, my cheeks burning.
Sabrina smiled gently, a knowing glint in her eyes. "Amelia," she began softly, "sometimes, the most unexpected connections are the strongest. Maybe you're both more alike than you think." Her words sat and marinated. I let them hang in the air, not wanting to open that possibility right now.
I couldn’t. The irony was almost comical.
“Whatever,” I spat out a nervous laugh, “You should have been a therapist for a career choice.”
She laughed, too. "I did consider it," she admitted. "I always had a patient and kind way about me; I was always the listener, the advice-giver. But things happened differently."
"Who listens to you, then?" I asked. She smiled.
"Poor Shane hears most of it. But back then? That's the thing about being the helper, nobody wants to lend you a hand when you need it."
I nodded, understanding her experience of being taken advantage of because of her kindness. "Yes," I said, "I know how that is."
She looked back towards the house. “Well, we should probably get back. Hopefully,Sydney isn’t sulking still.”
I followed her as we walked up the sandy hill towards the house, the wind sweeping past us and tugging at our hair. We stepped through the sliding door and closed it shut.
“We’re back,” Sabrina exclaimed as she went to kiss Shane’s cheek.
I examined the room, and my eyes fell onto Caiden. His eyes met mine. A wave of electricity poured between us. It was faint, invisible as the wind, but it was there.
He turned his back and walked towards the dark corridor. I followed. His path took him towards his room, up the stairs, away from everybody. Before he could slam the door shut, I snuck inside, and we were confined in the room.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” Caiden grumbled once he noticed I had followed him.
I crossed my arms and stared him down. “I heard you and Sydney had a good time.” The prickly cactus within was slithering upwards through my blood, itching to come undone.
