“I…need a day to think,” he said quietly. Rising, he walked to the door.
I reached out, wanting to hold him back, but my hand fell limply to my side.
He paused, silhouette framed by the hallway light, then slipped away, leaving me clutching the thin sheet and the echo of his absence.
Once daylight simmered, and the coolness of evening took its place, I threw on some shorts and a loose shirt to prepare to go running. At the end of the neighborhood sat a patch of woods with a narrow trail.
“I’ll be back before it gets dark. I’m going running.” I passed the living room on my way out. Sabrina and Shane sat on the couch, while Caiden sat on the single, cushioned chair.
His eyes caught mine, and I couldn’t look away for a moment, trying to place the expression in his eyes. Then it hit me.
Longing.
“Okay! I’m about to start on dinner.” Sabrina replied, smiling warmly at me. I glanced at Caiden again, but he had looked away. His jaw tight, staring at the screen.
I left the house and began to run.
My feet flew on the road, a blur of dust and heat rising behind me as I ran towards the cool, deep shadows of the woods. The scent of pine filled my nostrils the moment I broke the tree line; I didn't pause, a ragged, gasping breath burning in my lungs, my muscles screaming with the effort, but still I ran, the unseen pursuers of ghosts and demons hot on my heels.
The trail twisted and turned, a labyrinth of shadows and sunlight. Each rustle of leaves, each snap of a twig, sent a jolt of adrenaline through me, fueling my desperate flight. I didn't know what I was running towards, only that I couldn't stop.
The woods seemed to close in, the trees becoming menacing figures, their branches like skeletal arms reaching out. The fear and grief, raw and primal, propelled me onward, deeper into the heart of the darkness.
Flashes of my dead mother and childhood rippled throughout my mind.
I ran faster, as if trying to outrun my pain.
The sorrow climbed higher. I tried to shut the door, but it tore through the shock and emptiness, threatening to overspill and engulf me like a wave crashing over a seawall.
Then, up ahead, a clearing. As I reached it, I tripped over a root in my distracted haze and fell forwards, tumbling onto the soil mixed with grass and leaves.
I laid there.
Heaving.
My eyes shut.
The dam broke.
A crushing weight of everything piled on at once.
Mother's death, a cold stone in my gut; Caiden, a phantom limb aching with conflicting love and hate. Being trapped in Blake’s cabin, a darkness in my mind. Childhood pain, a dull throb behind my eyes; Caiden's cruelties, festering wounds that sting with each memory, colliding with the bittersweet pull of my present feelings for him.
I screamed.
A raw, burning agony clawing its way up from my throat with each desperate sound. Hot tears streamed down my face, a relentless torrent mingling with the rasping cries, each drop a burning sting.
My chest constricted, closing in on my shriveled heart. With each scream, each cry, my breath became shallow and uneven, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe.
My vision wavered. Black spots filled it, replaced with white, in a disorienting cycle. Everything collapsed within my body.
I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore.
Exhaustion overcame me, and I could stand. I could walk. I couldn’t go on.
How much grief could somebody take before they collapsed entirely?
The ache in my chest was so total I thought maybe I had finally broken whatever in me kept the blood moving, and I waited for the world to fold up, for the cool dark to close over my eyes.
