And I let him, too consumed by my grief to care that this was Caiden Baxter, the boy I told myself I would never become close to in this way.
23
AMELIA
The driveto Vermont would be almost fifteen hours. Fifteen hours alone in a car with Caiden. We hadn’t spoken about our time in the bed together in the basement. It was only innocent cuddling, but it broke a barrier between us.
Returning to Pathosbury to bury my mother’s corpse filled me with a deep unease, having to be reminded of my childhood and her drug addicted days.
I considered canceling the trip, pretending illness, anything to avoid dealing with my grief. But Mom deserved a proper goodbye, even if that goodbye meant facing the ghosts of Pathosbury and Caiden’s presence.
After seven years apart, I'd hoped to see her again someday. I never imagined my return would be because of her death; it was surreal.
“I hope you two have a safe trip. I’m so proud of you, Amelia, for having the strength to go back. I know how hard this is.” Sabrina gave me a hug while we stood on her driveway.
“Thank you, Sabrina. I do hope the drive goes well despite the far distance.”
Just thinking about the long car ride gave me anxiety. Sitting and dwelling in the cramped tension of the car.
"I know, but at least you'll have company," she exclaimed, nodding toward Caiden, who was talking to Shane near the car.
“Oh joy.”
After saying goodbye to Sabrina, I walked towards the car with my bags.
“Ready?” Caiden asked, giving me a glance.
“Yep. Like I said, we’ll need to stop by my house first.”
He nodded, opening the passenger door for me. The scent of vanilla air freshener hit me as I settled into the leather seat.
Fifteen hours.
Fifteen hours to confront not just my mother's memory, but the fractured pieces of my own past. The engine hummed, and we pulled away from Sabrina’s house, leaving behind the comforting normalcy of her presence and heading towards the unsettling familiarity of Pathosbury.
He waited in the car while I ran inside my house to take out some of my beach-specific clothes, replacing them with more suitable clothes for Pathosbury. I grabbed a few more essentials, as well as a few books and snacks, then headed back out.
He pulled out of the driveway, onto the road, beginning our journey.
The interstate blurred into a two-lane road, a ribbon of asphalt under a sky that shifted from pale morning blue to a hazy midday afternoon grey. Hours had passed. Silence brewed between us.
The sky loomed like an abyssal beast, a dark blanket swallowing rays of the sun. I could feel the anxiety creeping in, tightening my chest. I glanced at Caiden, who kept his eyes fixed on the road, a shadow of concentration etched across his features.
I could feel his gaze often, glancing at me as if he expected me to snap, or cry, or jump out of the car.
“Do you think it will rain?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“Looks like it,” he replied, his voice steady. “Just a storm passing through.”
Great. Just what I needed, a storm to match the turmoil inside me.
The clouds thickened as we drove on, and soon the first drops of rain began to splatter against the windshield, a soft patter that quickly turned into a furious drumroll. The wind picked up, pushing against the car as if urging us to turn back.
“Maybe we should pull over,” I suggested, unease creeping into my voice.
“It’ll be fine, I’ve driven in worse conditions,” he said, trying to sound calm, but I could hear the tension in his voice too.
A flash of lightning illuminated the sky, followed by a deafening crack of thunder that sent a jolt through me. The rain intensified, pouring down in sheets, and suddenly, the road became a dangerous surface.
