Don't ever forget it! Love you, talk soon. Make that damn appointment asap
Love you, too. I will
I finish the last little bits of my work, firing offa couple of follow up emails, and then start on dinner as I think about my family. My sister has always been like this, making sure I'm taking care of myself and checking on me. She and her husband Charlie were the stability in my life during my parents' divorce. Charlie has been in my life since I was 9 and Jeanie was 20, they met when she was in college. I love him to death. Even though my parents aren’t all bad, the divorce when I was 12, almost 13, really wrecked our family. They both were much more focused on one upping each other, bad mouthing each other, and wanting to be right more than doing what was good for me and my little brother. It brought out the very worst in them. My dad would blindfold us when he picked us up for visitation so that we wouldn't be able to tell our mom where his house was. He is on his third marriage now. My step-mom at the time, the woman he left my mom for, was thankfully nice to me and my little brother Dan. If my mom saw that she painted my nails, or bought me a new outfit, she would yell and cry that I loved my step-mom more than her. Rather than being happy that the woman we had to spend every other weekend with was treating us well, she made it about her.
Basically, the divorce made my relationship with my parents really strained. My dad has always been present in my life since he left, taking me to my quarterly visits to CHOP, and coming to everything I was ever involved in. My mom would still sew my dance costumes, take me to dance class, and sit with me to talk books or watch shows. They both went to my recitals, graduations, and of course my wedding to Derek. It was never easy though, since conversations could take a turn into yelling at the drop of a hat. When emotions were running high at the beginning, there were even times my dad put his hands on me when I wasmouthing off and pissy as a new teenager. My mother threatened to call her lawyer when she saw the mark from him hitting me. On a day I was feeling particularly ornery, I told him I didn't want to go with him, that I wanted to stay home when he came to pick me and my brother up for visitation. He got so mad he trashed my mother's garage while she screamed and I sobbed. My little brother was just shell shocked and silent. It became so difficult to reconcile the man who would always show up for me with the man who would hit me and rage like that. It was the same with my mother, she could be equal turns wonderful, and emotionally abusive with her outbursts. The two of them were a lot for a 13 year old girl to deal with, on top of what I'd already been through with my Turner Syndrome diagnosis and treatment. My anxieties were heightened by the two people in this world who were supposed to love and care for me the most.
All of it added up to a whole lot of trauma, and after a while I just started keeping my distance for my own peace of mind. I don't speak to them much at all, and I barely see them. My brothers and I have never been super close, either. John is 13 years older and went to Vancouver when I was 5. He ran from my parents as soon as he could to a whole ass other country, well before things got truly bad. Dan and I were fairly close as little kids since he's the closest in age to me at 3 years younger, but the divorce was even harder on him. He very much retreated into himself and was constantly angry. When we fought, it got physical too. So out of my 3 siblings, Jeanie and her then fiancé Charlie were the only ones I could count on. My brothers each have a daughter now, and my nieces are everything. Fatherhood has thankfully brought me a little closer to them than we were. John's daughter Sara is only a yearyounger than Bianca at 14, and those two are thick as thieves when they get together. Dan's little girl Mia is 2, and she is way too cute to even handle.
As I'm making some easy soup for dinner, I can’t help smiling at all of the pictures of my nephews and nieces on the fridge. I love being the fun Aunt that plays cards with the older kids, takes the girls for manicures, or gets on the floor to play horse with the little ones. Because of how I grew up, I hated being a child. I get teased that I was born aged 30. It didn't help that I was always with my sister and her friends, hanging out with people 11 years older than me. I didn't grow up with a lot of aunts, uncles, or cousins, either. When I hear people talk about how close they are to their aunts, uncles, or cousins, it festers that little wound of missing having that in my life. My mission has been to do better for the next generation of this family, and I really hope against hope that I've made a positive impact on their childhoods. Even as the oldest ones are becoming fully fledged adults, I hope they'll always talk to me about their lives. It's getting to the point where they’re even needing dating and relationship advice now, especially James and Grady since they have serious girlfriends. Who is better to turn to than their smutty romance novel loving wine auntie for advice on women?
I shake out of my meandering thoughts to focus on making sure I don't burn the soup. When it's done and in a bowl, I grab a small loaf of crusty bread and slice it up for dipping before I sit to eat. The hot broccoli cheddar soup is so soothing since the evenings are getting chilly now. I pour myself a little wine too, toss a treat to Brody who is waiting patiently for it, and start scrolling through my phone to play some music when a text from Taran comes through. My heart jumps a little bit, before I shake my head at myselffor being an idiot. I'm acting like a 16 year old waiting for her crush to text and rush to see what he has to say.
TARAN
Hey, Firecracker. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I know you need space and we've kept things light since the farmer's market, but I needed to let you know a couple of things. First, I hope you don't think you scared me off with what you told me. Takes a lot more than that. Two, I think you're all woman and incredible, regardless of what stupid society says. Let's talk soon if you want, yeah?
I both love and hate that this man always knows exactly what to say to me. He picks words that hit me the deepest in the best and scariest ways. I feel tears prick as I mull over his text and what to say back. He's letting me lead, saying let's talk only if I want to. I didn't scare him off with my outburst. This could all just be his way to get into my pants. The mistrustful part of me is screaming that they're just pretty words from a charmer. I won't know until I let him show me whether he's telling the truth or not, though. I take forever to figure out what I want to say.
Hey, Taran. I've been thinking of you too, and I'm glad I didn't scare you off. I'd like to talk soon, let's figure out a time. Maybe this weekend?
That works. I work on Saturday but could get together afterward?
Thinking that maybe a little liquid courage and somedancing will get us both chatting more easily, I come up with a suggestion.
Want to meet at El Abrevadero at 7?
Make sure you bring your dancing shoes, Firecracker. I'll see you then
Don't tell me what to do. See you then, possibly with dancing shoes, possibly without
I know I'm going to end up bringing my dancing shoes.
Chapter 10
Taran
This feels like the longest work day of my life. Every UPS driver works weekends sometimes and I usually don't mind it at all. Today however, I can't focus in the least and I am counting the minutes until I can see Lyra at 7. I've been smiling since she playfully told me to fuck off for telling her to bring her dancing shoes. Yes, I know I sound pathetic. I can't help it though, she fascinates me. I really appreciate that she's so mature, doesn't play mind games, and knows what she wants out of life. We may have an 8 year age difference, but I had to grow up fast when my dad died, and I took on a lot of responsibility.
There’s no doubt that I have things to figure out about my life, like whether I'm going to go back to school, but it's not as if I need to sow my wild oats or whatever that stupid saying is. I know in general how I see my life going, and the direction I want to take it in for me to get there. Lyra definitely threw me for a loop when she said I needed to figure out my stance on fatherhood if I wanted to seriously date her. What I know for sure is that I see a future with her thatI want to pursue. We need to lay all of our cards out on the table first, though.
I'm on my lunch break, blasting some salsa music and dancing around in my truck to get warmed up for tonight when my phone beeps with a text from Carlo.
CARLO
What's up, Tar? Doing anything tonight?
I'm actually going to be meeting Lyra after work. How’s it going with you, man?
I’m good. Hell yea, I’m happy for you brother! How are things going with her?
I'm not going to go into what she and I talked about at the Farmer's Market with him unless I desperately need his advice. So I just stick to the basics of what has gone on.
We've talked a bunch and seen each other once since that night we ran into her, and tonight we're heading back to El Abrevadero
That's great, man, have fun and tell me how it goes. Don't fuck it up either
Your confidence in me is overwhelming, thank you so much
