“As if this child needs more energy from the sugar,” Gina says on a fond eye roll.
Ava never fails to completely brighten up any day I get to see her with that boundless energy. She is the mini me of Gina with her warm brown eyes, dark hair, tall frame, and facial structure. It won't be long until she's taller than me. The only difference is she has an adorable gap tooth smile since she just lost a front tooth. We slice the cookie dough log and get them into the oven as the jokes andchatter flow. Ava has a whole lot to share about school, dance class, and the acting camp she'll be going to over the summer. It's not long before the pizza arrives, and the three of us chow down on the sausage, pepper, and mushroom topped cheesy goodness. With the chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, the whole kitchen smells so warm, delicious, and inviting as they cool. The sugary, sweet smell of something baking is probably my favorite smell in the whole world.
After dinner we flop on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn to watch our favorite comfort movie, Tangled. The three of us are belting out "When Will My Life Begin" at the top of our lungs. Brody barks with us, though I'm not sure if it's because he's joining in the singing, or if he hates it. About halfway through, Ava passes out, and we cover her up with a blanket while we go into the kitchen to clean up and talk.
“You doing ok, babes?” I ask her as I start getting the dishes in the dishwasher while she puts the leftovers away. We're trying to be as quiet as possible, but Ava is quite capable of sleeping through a hurricane.
“Totally good, just a lot going on between work and the kids. Plus we're gearing up for everyone at Thanksgiving. You're still coming, right?”
“Wouldn't miss it for the world, I'll be there with the stuffing and my snickerdoodle cookies.”
“Feel free to invite Taran, too. You know, since you're smitten enough to rush to his side when his mom was at the hospital. I am loving this journey for you.” Her smile is mischievous, but also clearly genuinely happy about me having the courage to go see him like that.
“Thank you, Alexis Rose,” I say as dryly as the desert
“I am,though!”
“I hardly rushed to his side, he had been there all day. I also only got to stay for a little over an hour, I actually felt bad for leaving. I told you I had a whole ass mini episode where I accidentally spoke my internal struggle about it out loud. Anyway, I am sure he and his mom have plans, but I think I actually will ask him. Just in case they have nowhere to go.” I give her a little poke to her side for going right into talking about Taran, but I know her enough to be aware it would have been unavoidable. She's a dog with a bone right now.
“We'd love to have them.” She says it with a huge smirk as she finishes sealing the pizza and cookies into containers. “Just let me know if they're coming soon, I can't believe it's already in just over two weeks.”
“It feels like November is flying by.”
“Time flies when you're dancing at El Abrevadero with a younger hottie!”she singsongs, and I swat her arm on a giggle I can't help. I'm trying to be mad at how relentless and taunting she's being right now, but I can't find it in me, because she's not entirely wrong.
“You're lucky I love you to pieces.”
She nods sagely. Then I see her give me an encouraging look, wanting me to speak what's clearly on my mind without actually asking in case I'm not ready. She taunts and teases, but she knows me and my limits more than pretty much anyone. It's that comfort with her, and that intrinsic knowing that gets me to open up.
“Babes, is this too intense too soon? I'm meeting almost everyone in this world he loves this weekend. At once. You're already inviting him to Thanksgiving. We've only been talking for just over a month. I mean, we haven't even talked about what this situationship even is. Why the fuck am I in a situationship at 36 years old?” Ibury my head in my hands, panic searing through me like acid.
“Does it feel too intense to you? Is it going at a pace you don't like?”
I raise my head up to look at her. “No. That's what scares me. I feel so at ease with him, and you know how hard that is for me. He already has seen me at my worst, my most emotionally raw, and still wants to date me. It's definitely intense in that it is completely taking me by surprise, and I absolutely hate surprises. The audacity of him and his charm creeping up on me like this.”
Gina just chuckles. “You can't control fate, babes. It'll surprise you when you're the least prepared.”
I scoff. “How do you figure it's fate? Are you reading wolf shifter romances again?”
“Yes, and I'll give you the titles in a minute because you know you love them as much as me, but that's not the point. My point is, I think you were meant to be coming home from your walk when you saw his lovely ass jump out of that truck. He ended up on the route where you just started living. We then ran into him at my family's restaurant. He already gets you and your many layers. Be cautious, but all the signs say you two haven't kept running into each other by accident. He was put onto the route with your house on it for a reason, I firmly believe that.”
I hum thoughtfully, her words buzzing through me like little bees, pollinating hope and excitement to ease my panic. “The timing did work out. I don't know if I'd call it fate or what, but he showed up in my life when I least expected or even wanted it. He came busting through my walls anyway.”
My mouth curves into a small smile as I replay our banter, flirting, dancing, and blazing hotkisses in my mind. One month of talking to him and I'm gone. There's the small part of me that longs to rebuild my walls, and just focus on myself for the foreseeable future. It's the part of me that is still scarred and automatically wants to protect my heart from any more pain. I'm a woman who learns my lesson. Derek was the first time I truly thought I romantically loved someone, and let myself be vulnerable. That one time I left my heart unguarded, and it was shredded. It's the proverbial touching of the hot stove. Why would I touch it again when it hurts so much? We as a species naturally shy away from experiences that have only brought us pain. It's a survival instinct, as basic as breathing. I'm wary enough of making acquaintances, and getting closer to friends because of how I grew up. I've become super comfortable with alone time, and truly enjoy it. Letting in someone romantically? Giving up my heart? It was never something that I really allowed until Derek, and that sure ended well. That highly logical part of my brain that has helped me survive so much is telling me to cut and run, before I am in too deep. To not put my hand on the hot stove again.
The larger part of my brain though? The part that still loves romance, and still wants to have a partner that adores all of me? That part is starting to say, loudly and clearly, that I'm already in deep. That over the course of the month or so we've known each other, Taran has managed to worm his way into my thoughts, my heart, and my fantasies. I've never known anyone like him, with his perfect combination of charm, humor, and kindness. I've never been so physically attracted to someone in my life. The way I feel at home in his presence is a balm to my soul. The most insane part is, as much as I want to say I'm oblivious to his obvious genuine interest or brush off his flirting as justa way into my pants, he seems to feel the same. That larger portion of my brain is saying, “he won't let you burn your hand on the stove.”
“Earth to babes.” Gina's amused voice breaks through my thoughts as she boops my nose.
“Sorry, you know how I get,” I mumble back, giving her arm a little squeeze in more apology.
“Better than most anyone. What were you lost in your head about?”
“Everything you said. What I'm feeling for Taran. Whether I'm being stupid for going into a situationship so soon, or whether I'd be even more stupid to push away a guy like him. You know, just another Tuesday in my brain.”
“You know I adore your incredible brain, but it is working way too much over time, my love. You both are single, clearly very into each other, smart, and consenting adults. It doesn't need to be complicated or over analyzed. Some things suddenly come into your life that are amazing, and you just have to roll with it. There is no right timeline. Go meet his loved ones on Saturday, get to know him and his family better. You'll have fun, and if they have any sense they'll adore you. His mom already does, and that's the most important.”
I nibble my bottom lip. “I really hope you're right.”
