“So on.”
“On like Donkey Kong.”
“Your nerd is showing again, Ev.”
“Shut up.”
Lord help me. I don’t know what I’m about to get myself into.
7
Dacen
Evie drives us to Lake Knoxton later this afternoon. We lay a couple of beach towels on the sand and prepare to relax and enjoy the sunshine, armored with sunscreen of course. I close my eyes and relish the heat soaking into my skin. Summer here is glorious, I’ll give the South that, even close to the mountains where it’s not as hot as the coast. There’s a huge difference between the feel of the sun here compared with New York. Being closer to the equator does have a few perks. I crack my eyes open and turn my head toward Evie. She absentmindedly plays with the sand between us with one hand. Turning her head toward me, she smiles.
“Having fun yet, Dacen?” I nod and turn my eyes up toward the sky. A few fluffy white clouds are the only imperfection in an otherwise flawless canvas of sky blue. “I don’t wanna say ‘told ya so’ but I told ya so,” she calls out quietly in a sing-song voice.
“Hush. Or I’ll haul you over my shoulder and throw you in the lake.”
Evie’s sporting a big grin that matches my own. “You wouldn’t dare.”
My grin deepens into a smirk, then I sit up and take a look around. Everyone seems to be having a good time. More importantly, so many of the eyes that find mine appear friendly. Some people even offer up a smile. As my eyes float from group to group, person to person, it hits me that most of them look like they’ve got their shit together. I have a sudden urge to go organize something.
“What’s wrong, Dacen?”
I crack my neck and shrug. “This is going to sound stupid but all these people,” I gesture vaguely around. “They look like they know what they want to do with their lives.”
Evie pulls her sunglasses down and peers at me over the top of them. “You can tell by watching them for five minutes on the beach?”
I side-eye her with a small smile. “I told you it was stupid.”
She shoves her sunglasses to the top of her head. “It’s not stupid, Dacen. But I think maybe you’re projecting a little bit, aren't you?”
“Thanks, Dr. Tanner.”
I’m no closer to figuring out what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what I want to study in college, no idea what kind of job I want, no idea even where I want to live. Even with the pages and pages of notes in my planner devoted to these very topics, the answers continue to elude me. Evie saw me pouring over them one afternoon recently. We were in my backyard just relaxing and I pulled out my planner to give my lists another read-through. It’s how the topic of my anxiety initially came up. For someone so organized and who works best within the confines of a very developed plan, it’s extremely unsettling that I have no idea what I want to major in or do with my life. It’s definitely a source of anxiety for me, but no matter how many pros and cons lists I make, I can’t narrow it down. It’s like that part of my future is a giant black hole and I have absolutely zero clues on how to navigate it.
She smiles at me warmly. “I bet seventy-five percent of these people have no idea what they want to do with their lives either, Dacen. Don’t sweat it.”
“I just wish I knew what I wanted to do.”
Evie pats my hand. “You have plenty of time to figure it out. Do not worry one second about it. Even if you have to change your major ten times, you’ll figure it out. You’re passionate about so many things, I’m confident the right thing will come along and smack you in the face when the time is right.”
“Um, ow?” I laugh. “I sure hope the future doesn’t smack me around.” Although the unknown is certainly very painful in the meantime. I go back to my people-watching. There’s a guy by the sand volleyball court who not only smiles at me but gives me a wave as well. He’s pretty adorable and I find myself waving back. “Who’s the guy over by the volleyball court with the neon pink trunks on?” I nod my head in the direction of the sand court.
Evie shields the glare of the sun from her eyes with one hand. “Oh, Noah Keller. We’re pretty good friends. He’s cute, isn’t he?” She elbows me in the side. “He’s single. Want me to introduce you?”
“Well, yeah, sure, but just because I want to meet people. I’m not looking to get laid tonight, Ev.” I raise my eyebrows and stare over at her.
Evie’s cheeks color a deep rosy shade and she clears her throat. “Right. Okay. Looking to make some friends. Not looking to get laid.”
A laugh pours out of me and I wrap an arm around her shoulder, squeezing gently. “I mean, I’m not not looking to get laid in general. Or to date someone. I am a teenage male with hormones, after all. But I’m here to hang out with you and meet people. You know, fulfill my need to chat half the population up. In case you haven’t noticed, I like to talk.” I give her another squeeze and then pull my arm away. “A lot.”
Evie laughs and straightens her sunglasses. “I’ve noticed, and I approve.”
She looks off into the growing crowd of people again and my eyes follow. Not far away is an okay-looking group of people, save for one girl whose laughter sounds like the high-pitched staccato of a hyena. The way she stands, as if she is the center of their group and all eyes should be on her, immediately rubs me the wrong way.
“Who’s that girl? 9 o’clock. Long dark hair. Brassy highlights. Seems to think she’s the center of the universe?”
