“Oh, gee, I don’t know, Roman. Because it would be a nice thing to do?”
He finishes chewing and sets his sandwich down. “Ah, Pecker, there’s your first mistake. Assuming I’m a nice guy. I’m not a nice guy. Just ask any of these losers.” He waves his hand around the table and then focuses on Noah. “What do you think, Keller? Am I a nice guy?”
Noah gulps but before he has to answer, Tyler pipes up. “If you’re done with this fascinating display of assholery, Roman, we’ve got some important shit to discuss.”
Roman turns his attention to Tyler. “And what would that be?” His top lip curls and he stares at Tyler suspiciously.
“The Halloween Bash is coming up, and we,” he points to Roman, Evan, Ryne, and finally himself. “We need to figure out what we’re wearing. These things take time. Crafting the perfect costume requires careful consideration and planning.”
Roman grimaces and stands up, grabbing his tray and throwing his backpack over one shoulder. “Yeah, no thanks.”
He starts to walk away and Evan calls out after him. “Remember what happened last year when you let us pick out costumes without giving any of your own input!”
Roman looks back over his shoulder and flips Evan off as he walks away. My curiosity gets the better of me. “What was the costume?”
Tyler turns and grins. “We were characters from Reno 911! and he was volun-told to be Lt. Dangle, complete with bootie shorts and everything.”
“He pulled it off though,” Ryne adds. “He’s got surprisingly nice legs.” Tyler reaches his fist over and Ryne bumps it with his.
“Oh my God,” I snort. The image actually perks me up the tiniest bit. I don’t know which is funnier: the vision of Roman dressed like Lt. Dangle, or the vision of him standing there annoyed that he’s dressed like Lt. Dangle.
* * *
After lunch,I head toward the guidance office instead of study hall. I knock on the main door and peek my head inside the little waiting area. Mr. Martin, the eleventh and twelfth-grade guidance counselor, sticks his head out his office door. He raises a hand when he sees me, then waves me in.
“Dacen, right on time.” He gestures toward the desk chair across from him and I take a seat. “It’s good to see you. It’s been a couple of weeks.”
I nod and set my messenger bag in the extra chair beside me. “You too, sir.”
He smiles warmly and rests his hands along the top of his desk. Other than Coach King, he’s one of my favorite adults at school.
“What can I help you with, Dacen?”
I pull a pen and my planner out of my bag and open it up to take notes. “I still haven’t been able to narrow down what I want to study at college, or what I want to be. This can’t be normal. I’m eighteen. Aren’t I supposed to at least have an inkling about it by now?”
Mr. Martin shakes his head gently. “I’d say it’s more normal you don’t have it figured out yet. I understand your desire to work it all out now so you can plan for what that means, but give yourself some grace and try to enjoy the journey itself. Discovering who you are and who you want to be is a great thing, and it takes time.”
My stomach twinges. That doesn’t sound enjoyable, it sounds stressful. I tap my pen against my planner. “I get it, I think, but that’s not me. I mean, it is, but I don’t want it to take forever. I want to figure it out now. Or at least before graduation.”
But preferably now.
He nods and sits back in his chair. He’s so patient and doesn’t look at all irritated by my neurotic ramblings. He’s definitely in the right field.
“Have you ever taken any of those personality tests online?” I shake my head. “I don’t put full stock in them by any means, but they are one tool to help gain some insight. I know of a few free ones that include some suggested career options alongside the test results. Would you like to try them?”
“I’ll try anything.”
He pulls up a few on his laptop so I know what to look for later and I jot down some notes. We talk for a while afterward about my classes, soccer, and life in general. I feel a little bit calmer after our conversation.
“Thanks again, Mr. Martin. I will definitely give these tests a try.” I put my things away and stand.
“It’s my pleasure, Dacen. Stop in again after you’ve taken those tests if you’d like. No pressure, but if you want to talk about them or anything else, I’m always here.”
I nod and pull my bag over my head, then wave at him on my way out. I don’t have things figured out yet, but I’m one step closer after speaking with him, and that makes me feel a touch better.
* * *
My slightly better mood doesn’t lastlong. About halfway through calculus I start to feel sick from all the caffeine and sugar I shoveled in at lunch, and by the time class is over my heart is racing and my hairline is damp with sweat. I get changed for practice and when I sit down on the locker room bench to tie my cleats, I just sit there hunched over and stare at the floor. Ryne shakes my shoulder and I look up. My heart dive-bombs into my stomach at the concern on his face. He sits down next to me while the rest of the guys file out.
