He reached toward me, but I pulled away abruptly. I’d probably just been feeding his ego, and I was an idiot. I should have known it was just another case of “Wham. Bam. Thank you, man,”for him. I’d heard all about his dicktivities in NYC from Brooklynn. Iknewhow he was. Phoenix and I hadn’t even talked about what this was or where it was going. I’d been so caught up in the fact that my long-time crush was into me that I’d neglected to take his past into consideration before jumping into the sack with him.
“Damn it,” I muttered under my breath.
Brooklynn wrapped a hand around my forearm and brushed her thumb over my skin. “Jonas, I’m not sure that we’re all coming to the same conclusions about everyone’s activities and motives right now. Let’s grab a triple-layer cookie snack and talk through this.”
“I think I’m going to go lie down for a while instead.Alone,” I clarified specifically for Phoenix. I really wasn’t sure what to think right now. “Then I’m going to call Marcus and apologize for whatever the hell weirdness happened today, and see if he’ll still let me interview him over the phone and talk about apartment options.” Brooklynn’s lips turned down in a frown, and the rest of her expression fell along with it. “For Marcus, not for me,” I told her. “I love you. I just need some quiet time to digest—” I motioned in a circle in the air between the three of us—“all this. We can have snack-o’clock later, okay?”
“Okay, babe,” she said softly.
“Jonas, come on,” Phoenix sputtered, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t understand what you’re so upset about right now. Am I a jealous, competitive dick sometimes?” He shrugged. “Yes. But you need to talk to me and tell me what you’re thinking. This isn’t high school. We’re adults. Let’s talk.”
“I just need some time to think, Phoenix.”
His brows knitted together, and he crossed his arms tightly. At the stubborn look on my face, his arms dropped to his sides, and his shoulders slumped. A twinge of guilt hit me in the chest, but I shoved it aside.
“Okay,” he said. “I can give you that. Just remember what you said. Don’t bail on me now, please.” He kissed my forehead as he walked past and left the room. Brooklynn patted my arm and trailed out after him, giving me the peace and quiet I’d asked for.
I wandered to the bedroom and flopped backward onto the bed. Phoenix’s words had hit me in the gut in a way he probably hadn’t even intended them to.
We’re adults. Let’s talk.
We were both technically adults, yes. But Phoenix was arealadult—someone who owned his own business, made good money, and had otherrealadult friends. I was…not. Hell, Brooklynn and I still relied on our childhood snack routine when we needed a pick-me-up. Today’s shitshow aside, I was beginning to realize just how different my world was compared to Phoenix’s world. We were at two very different points in life. I worked at a bar and wrote articles on the side for paltry amounts of money. I’d come here to focus on one of those articles and have some fun, and instead, I was overwhelmed and in over my head with Phoenix in only a few days. I’d been attracted to him for so long that I think I ended up putting him on some sort of pedestal.
That wasn’t fair to him, nor to me. I didn’t want to hurt him if he did have some sort of real feelings for me, but I didn’t want to get hurt either. And it was looking like either way, one of us was going to end up feeling the pain from this vacation. Probably just me. After all, I’d ended up with bug bites and heartache, but at least I hadn’t tripped and fallen off the edge of a mountain and plummeted to my death.
Small wins.
That would probably be my only win from this trip. It didn’t feel like much of a win at all, though. I supposed I deserved it, really. Karma.
Brooklynn sat on the bed in the green bedroom as I packed my things into my duffel bag and suitcase. She picked up the T-shirt I’d just thrown in, folded it for me, and laid it back in nicely.
“I’m sad that you’re leaving.” She was clearly as unhappy as I was about my decision.
Last night, Phoenix had slept on the couch in the family room without prompting, part of the wholegiving me spacething. The whole situation was confusing and annoying. He’d gone from crush to lover to ex all in the span of three days. That was not normal. I brought a big bag of chaos with me everywhere I went. Someday, Phoenix would probably look back on this experience and be thankful he’d been given an out by way of my indecision and stupid insecurities.
“I don’t really want to leave either, but…” I shrugged. “To put it bluntly, this was an ill-timed vacation fling. That’s what he does. He flings people.” My words made no sense, but theymatched the jumble of confusion that was my brain. “You told me that yourself. I’m trying to get out before either of us gets hurt any more than we already have.”
“Is that your concern then?” Brooklynn pulled my suitcase toward her and started refolding the clean clothes I hadn’t even worn yet. “That he sees you as a fling and not a potential relationship? Which is a totally valid concern, if that’s how you feel. I’m just trying to put the pieces together.”
“Yes, that and the fact that I’m in a very different place than him from a personal life and career perspective. Let’s say we did get serious. How would that even work? He lives in New York City. I live in Raleigh. The distance does not math out in our favor.”
She groaned and lay back against the pillows. I was going to suggest she move over a foot or so, but thought better of it. This was probably already awkward enough, with things involving her best friend and brother.
I crawled up on the bed and lay my head down beside hers, so we were facing each other. She blew out a puff of air, then spoke. “I’m just really frustrated right now that Phoenix went balls to the wall on this path with you, and now things have gone south. I’m sad for you both, but he’s had a thing for you since our college graduation.” A small smile crept up, and she shook her head. “Talk about being daft. He thought he’d kept it well hidden.”
Balls to the wall?
“What?” I asked. Obviously, I knew the expression, but in terms of Phoenix and me, I wasn’t quite sure what she meant.
“Oh yeah. He thinks he’s good at keeping things hidden, but my bullshit detector is stronger.”
I didn’t know how to unpack that, so I sat up and just finished packing my suitcase. Brooklynn walked with me outside. Whenwe got to her vehicle, she handed me the keys rather than getting in herself.
I shoved them back at her. “I can’t drive your car to the rental place. I’d have to leave it there, and there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen.”
She shook her head and shoved the keys at me again. “Just take my car home. You’ll get there faster.”
“I must be really pathetic right now if you’re trusting me with your baby.”
