“Okay, great!” Ma said cheerfully. “Now, everyone, get cleaned up for dinner.”
Everyone stood and left the room, like ducklings waddling after the mama duck. Jonas and I were the last ones remaining. He paused beside me and looked up. His dark brown eyes were full of trepidation.
“Hey.” I placed a hand on his arm. “If you’re uncomfortable sharing with me, I’ll kick back on the couch, and you can take the room. It’s truly fine. I’m the one who showed up unannounced anyway.”
He gnawed at his bottom lip and brushed a strand of hair from his face. “Is there any way we can pretend that the stupidity that vomited from my mouth that one time…literally and figuratively,” he paused, frowning, “that it never happened, and just, ya know, try to move on or whatever?”
Okay, so we were having this conversation right now. All right. Rip the bandage off and all that. Matthew’s words floated through my head.Don’t come back without your balls, man.I exhaled and tilted my head side to side slowly. “I can’t do that, Jonas.”
His shoulders slumped, and he shifted his gaze to the wooden floor beams. “Okay. No, I get it.” He nodded slowly.
I tilted his chin up and forced him to look at me. “I don’t think you do. It’s not about what you said back then—I honestlythought it was hilarious and cute. And puke happens. None of that bothered me. It’s what you did afterward that I have a problem with.” I let my hand fall to my side. “I can’t just pretend you didn’t throw me out of your life like a toothbrush that fell in the toilet because, what? You were embarrassed? You may be Brooklynn’s best friend, but I’ve always cared about you too, Jonas. You and I both know that, and to pretend otherwise would be an insult to the friendship we had. What you did was really shitty and immature.”
Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes. He wrung his hands together and then began twisting the hem of his shirt. “I’m really sorry, Phoenix. I panicked and retreated, and once I realized what I was doing, I was too ashamed to reach out and try to fix things. I’ve been sort of stuck in avoidance mode since Christmas.” His cheeks flamed. “I understand if you can’t forgive me. I-I’m glad we at least had this conversation so I could apologize.”
The teeny tiny sadist in me wanted to make him squirm a little longer, but I shoved that aside in favor of what Ireallywanted. A fresh start with Jonas. He started to turn away, but I reached for his arm.
“I said I couldn’t pretend like none of it happened. I didn’t say I couldn’t forgive you. If you understand where I’m coming from and you’re truly sorry, then let’s move on. I forgive you.” Jonas beamed up at me, and I decided right then and there that I’d do anything necessary to see that smile again and as often as possible. He snaked his arms around my waist and leaned in for a hug, stealing my breath in the process. He’d always been a hugger, and right now, I was particularly happy about that. I wrapped my arms around his lean torso and hugged him back, resting my cheek on his soft, light brown hair. “I’ll miss calling you Pickles,” I added, “but I’ll get over it.”
I could cope with the loss of the nickname if it meant having him in my life again. Besides, I was sure I’d have something new to tease him about by tomorrow at the latest.
“I’ve missed you, Phoenix,” Jonas whispered against my T-shirt. His warm breath permeated the fabric, and my heart knocked around inside my chest.
“I’ve missed you too.”
He tilted his head up, and our eyes locked. “I really am sorry. For everything. And you can still call me Pickles, so long as we never speak of the origin of it to anyone else, as long as we live.”
“Deal,” I said, nodding once. He stepped back, and I immediately missed his warmth. I reached for his arm again before he walked away. Wanting to lighten the mood a bit more, I smirked and said, “Just a heads up, or fair warning or whatever, but I usually sleep naked.”
He sucked in a breath and nodded once. “Okay.” The word came out as a squeak. “Th-that’s totally cool. Roomie.” He whipped around to leave and tripped over the edge of the ottoman. After sorting himself out, he gave me finger guns and rushed out of the room.
I shook my head in disbelief—at the conversation we’d finally had that was well overdue, and at his adorable, awkward clumsiness. I scrubbed a hand over my eyes, walked out onto the deck through the nearest French doors, and flopped onto one of the outdoor couches. Propping my arms along the backrest, I tilted my head and smiled up at the sky. Soaking in the fading but still warm sunshine, I sent a wish out into the universe.
Please let this man be mine by the end of this trip, one way or another.
5
Jonas
Iwas exhausted but pleased after our conversation. I also felt like an immature dumbass for letting things get to the point they did. But now it was like a heavy, guilt-laden weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Phoenix had forgiven me, and we were going to move forward. Friends again.
I’d have to shove aside my unrequitedotherfeelings for Phoenix. I wouldnotmake this awkward. Not when I had this chance to start over with him. The ridiculous finger guns I’d made earlier flashed through my mind, and I groaned. Finger guns were the very definition of awkward. But it was fine. I supposed it didn’t really matter how awkward I was. It wasn’t like I needed to impress him. We were friends; he’d seen me both bloody and puking over the years, and besides, he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. Brooklynn had shared plenty about his New York lifestyle with me, and I’d gleaned some of it myself from conversations we’d had before the pickle-tastrophe had caused me to nearly ruin over a decade of friendship.
“What’s the matter, dear?” Bronwyn asked as she passed behind me on her way to put the last of the dinner leftovers into the refrigerator. I assumed she’d heard my groan.
“Oh, I’m fine. Just full is all.” I shot her a smile.
“I’ll consider that a success,” she teased. Then she cleared her throat. “You seemed a bit quiet at dinner, though. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Tired but good,” I confirmed. She nodded and, with a pat on my arm, left the room.
I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and then headed upstairs. Brooklynn, Amberly, and Phoenix had headed into town to grab a few things, and I’d opted to stay behind. I really did want to give them some family time together and figured I’d use the time to unpack. Grabbing my luggage from the hallway and toting it inside the bedroom, I stopped at the foot of the bed. My suitcase dropped to the floor, and my duffel bag plopped down on my other side. Butterflies kicked up in my stomach as I peered down at the fluffy green comforter. I’d known there was only one bed, but I hadn’t fully thought that out when I’d agreed to the sleeping arrangement.
I chewed on my thumbnail as my brain went on an unhelpful tangent. What if I ended up drooling on Phoenix? That was right up there with puke on the embarrassment scale. I didn’t want to be unloading any more non-sexy bodily fluids on him. Or what if I had a particularly vivid nightmare and drop-kicked him while fighting some evil dream ninjas?
I really didn’t want to sleep on the couch. I didn’t want him to sleep on the couch either. I wanted to be near him. It was as simple as that. As ridiculous as it sounded to admit this, I hadn’t realized how much my avoiding Phoenix would hurt him. We were close before, but at the same time, I didn’t think I’d really mattered that much to him. I mean, my own sister loved me, but she’d always been happy for me to get out of her hair. Why would Phoenix have been any different?
My assumptions had made a huge ass of me. I’d thought I had totally crossed the line with my drunken confession, not to mention the puking. I had selfishly been trying to avoid furtherhumiliation, not considering how he’d been feeling on the other side of the chasm I’d forced between us.
