Or a lot.
It was a confusing feeling that I had spent the last few years trying to figure out. All I knew was that I was still mad and hurt.
“Is everything OK? With you and… Evan? Are you happy?”
“I’m happy,” I whispered. “I love Evan with everything I am. He’s my soulmate.”
“I thought Fox was your soulmate,” he said, his voice rough. “But I am glad you found someone. You deserve your happiness.”
“Fox is… gone. I have Evan now, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
“Wow,” he murmured, clearing his throat. “Evan must really be something to take the place of Fox. I’d really like to meet him someday.”
“He’s not Fox’s replacement. He’s… just Evan. I cannot compare the two, but he is the one I have and the one I want. W-We’re trying for a baby.”
Ethan was quiet for a long time. “Uh, well, I hope you guys get everything you want. I want that for you both.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, my heart aching. I wanted more than anything to tell him Evan was Fox. That Cole had a daughter. That I missed…
Damnit.
I breathed out.
“Enough about all that. What’s going on with your music? I really liked that song you and Anson did on the livestream. I didn’t realize he played violin like that. I knew he played, but that was insane. It was pretty incredible.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he plays. He’s really good. We weren’t even ready to release that song, but figured it might take the focus off all this other stuff.”
“I get it. But what’s next? Maybe a break? Seems like you’ve been going non-stop for almost five years now.”
“I have.” I steadied myself. “I told Ani I need a break. After we finish off the European tour, I’m going to take one. I have a clothing collab with Jamie coming out, as well as a cosmetics and perfume line. I’m writing music for Fabian’s new movie and doing another video with him. And then there’s Evan’s movie. I’m doing music for that. I’ll take a break from touring and work slowly on my new album. Ani seems like he needs a break, too.”
“Damn, you really are busy,” he said with a little chuckle. “That’s not what I meant when I said take a break. Little busy bee.”
I smiled at that. “I feel like I want to do so much, but don’t have the time.”
“I feel you there. All I do is work too. It’s nice to relax. You should try it.”
I laughed. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“I’m looking forward to seeing you in Chicago,” he continued.
“I might be a little late and might have security with me,” I said, wincing.
“I figured. It’s cool. But just so you know, if you’re with me, you’re safe. Nothing has changed in that respect.”
“I know,” I murmured. “I’d invite you backstage, but it can get really hectic with fans. We can meet up after and maybe get a late-night pizza. It’s been so long since I’ve had anything from Giodi’s.”
“I love that place,” he said, chuckling again. “I’m definitely game for that. They have a build-your-own-pie bar now.”
“Ooh, that sounds incredible.” I rubbed my stomach, wondering if we had any takeout left.
“You’re hungry,” he said, laughing. “If you were closer, I’d bring you pizza right now. We could sit outside and stare at the stars and talk about life.”
I smiled at that. “Maybe we can when I see you.”
“Don’t tease me,” he said, that playful sound in his voice. He was just so different, yet he was the same. This Ethan was happy. Healthy. Healed. He was the Ethan I hadn’t met yet.
