“I don’t want you to go,” I said.
He grunted.
He wasn’t himself. I knew he’d gotten hurt and that he blamed himself for Rosalie, but I didn’t like that he was beating himself up over shit he couldn’t control.
“Ryder, you’re worrying me. You’re not yourself?—”
“Doc said it’s the brain injury,” he muttered. “The concussion. That I’m probably a little fucked yet.”
I swallowed. “Then stay until you’re better.”
He shook his head. “I’m out, man. I’m sorry about Rosalie. I-I’m sorry.” His voice cracked.
He was breaking my damn heart.
“Take care of her when you find her. I just… I gotta get out of here. I-I can’t.”
I said nothing, watching as he wiped quickly at his eyes. In the entire time I’d known him, I’d never seen him cry. I’d never seen him down in the dumps. Ryder was always upbeat and happy despite all the shit that had been thrown his way in life.
This… this wasn’t right.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No, man. You’ve done enough for me. You gave me a life. A purpose. Adventure. I’ll forever be grateful. God knows I’d have never seen Japan or Italy without you.” He wiped at his eyes again.
“If you want to talk?—”
“I don’t,” he said, his voice rough. “I just want to fucking leave, and I want you to go to bed. You need sleep. You’ve barely been doing it.”
“I’ll hang out with you,” I murmured, settling back on the couch next to him.
He grunted, but didn’t object past that.
We sat in silence for a long time before I cleared my throat.
“So… Klaus said he got you an apartment in New York. I bet it’s nice.”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“I’m not sure who this Trevor guy is that he has you set up with?—”
“Porn.”
“Huh?” I frowned.
“He’s a porn star, man. I’m guarding a porn star.”
“Oh. Well, shouldn’t be a shortage of pussy,” I said, knowing how much Ryder enjoyed women. “You might even get to start a new career.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” he mumbled. “It’s pussy, right? I fuck anything that moves. Might be fun to fuck a pro.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. He was definitely acting weird.
“I’m only joking. I know you wouldn’t fuck a porn star,” I said.
He said nothing, opting to stare at the wall.
Fuck, I wish I knew what was going on with him. I couldn’t stand to see him this way. This simply wasn’t the Ryder I knew.
