So far, I really fucking hated New York.
My phone buzzed again.
Anson.
I darkened the screen, my heart in my throat. I just couldn’t answer him. It was about more than getting news. It was because of how I felt. How I’d been feeling.
I knew Anson. We’d been best friends for years. I knew when he loved someone, and he was so in love with Rosalie.
But so was I.
I had been for a long ass time. I just did a better job of hiding it than he did.
I suppose if I had to pinpoint when it started, it was when I kissed her all those years ago at that restaurant to make Blondie jealous. Over the years, it just grew.
I’d almost fucked up and poured my heart out to her in her hotel room the night she was taken. Seeing tears on her face because she’d met with Ethan had broken me.
I’d been there with her all those years, and had done everything I could to make her smile while secretly aching for her. I loved Ellis to pieces, and sometimes she’d even call me Daddy, which only made my heart ache more. Rosalie would give me a pained look and apologize, but I always said, “ No, it’s OK.”
Because it was OK. I wanted that.
Ethan and the horsemen hadn’t done fuck-all to her but hurt her, and she still loved them, yet I…
I sighed. It was stupid. She didn’t owe me shit. I knew that. But I’d screwed up, and she was taken on my watch.
I’d failed her. It hurt Anson and the guys.
That was on me. I couldn’t even look at Evan. Rosalie was his entire world, and I’d fucked it up.
But he knew how I felt. That just humiliated me more. Klaus, too.
I was better off here, so I wasn’t ruining shit with Anson. He mattered to me just as much. He never shared well, but seeing him so happy now made me realize that’s just how big his love for Rosalie was. It would be a betrayal to come out and admit that for half a decade, I also loved the same girl.
In high school, he’d punched me in the face for talking to Lisa, some girl he liked.
We didn’t talk for a week.
I didn’t want to go back to that shit. No thanks.
So this would have to do. Distance would make the pain stop. Distance would help.
At least that’s what I kept telling myself. I didn’t think for a second that Evan and Klaus would tell him. Bro code and all that.
Trevor finished the scene by blowing his load on Bitsy’s face before slapping her lips with his dick. She gave him a nut check as soon as the cameras stopped rolling.
He laughed loudly before pulling his clothes on and meeting me as I stood.
“How’d it look?” he asked.
“All I could see was your ass.”
“Yeah? Looked good, huh? I’ve been doing a lot of squats.”
“Seems to work,” I muttered.
“You’re a very pretty man, Ryder. I’ve seen you without your shirt on. You’re looking damn good, bro. You could be a model or some shit. I can get you some screen time if you’re interested?—”
“I am definitely not interested,” I said.
