“Just tired,” he mumbled.
I glanced at Anson. He’d noticed the change in Ryder, too.
I nodded for Ryder to come with me, and he did wordlessly. We went upstairs to the room I was sharing with Anson, and I closed the door.
“I’m sorry,” Ryder said immediately as he sat on the edge of the bed. “For Rosalie. I fucked up, and I can’t get it out of my head.”
I sat next to him.
“It’s not your fault. This guy obviously planned the shit out of this.”
Ryder shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. I could see his eyes shining with tears.
“It’s more than that. You have been through so much shit. I know how much you love her. And Anson. He’s the same. Since the moment he saw her, he spoke about her. I had to listen to it. Then I got to meet her and I…” He swallowed and looked down. “I fucked everything up. If something happens to her, I’ll never be able to live with myself. I was supposed to protect her, and I failed her. I failed you. Anson. Klaus. Ellis. I-I’m struggling.”
I said nothing, absorbing his words. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I said what I was thinking.
“How long, man?”
His words were soft. “How long what?”
“Have you been in love with Rosalie?”
He wiped at his eyes and looked down at his hands. “Since I took her out after you were gone. We rode my motorcycle. I kissed her. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but I fucked that up too. I vowed never to fuck around with someone my best friend wanted, and I didn’t. I haven’t. I wouldn’t. We came back here for this tour, and seeing her in the car with Ethan… something just snapped inside me. I’d spent the evening driving around my old stomping grounds. Saw the restaurant I took her to. Twisty Cone. Drove the same path we took that night. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.” He wiped at his eyes again. “Then I picked her up, and she was crying. That was it. I realized what I’d been doing for five fucking years. I-I hugged her in the hotel room. She knew I was upset over something and asked me what it was. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I just told her I was in my feelings from being home. She cared. She gave a damn. I picked her up and carried her to bed, and it…it felt right. I’m sorry. I overstepped?—”
“Man, shut up,” I said, sighing.
He stared at me. “Evan?—”
“I said shut up.” I got to my feet and paced the room.
He was quiet, watching me.
I let my head fall back. I suppose I’d known he was for a long time. He was great at hiding his feelings, though. Lately, he sucked at it, but I’d seen him with Ro over the years. He was so gentle with her. Always listening. Always talking to her. He’d sit with her when Anson had meetings and was scouting while they were away. Sure, he was security, but I remember when she was video calling me, and he was there, protecting her. And the time he came into the room and sat with us while she was working on a new song. He was listening to her play her guitar, smiling the entire time. It was the little gifts he’d get her. I ignored it, figuring he really cared for her as his friend. I figured if he wanted her, he’d tell us. Since he never did, I continued to believe it was nothing.
“I wrote my resignation letter. I’m giving it to Klaus today,” he said softly.
I stopped and looked at him. “Why?”
“Look, man, I failed. I’m not good enough to protect her. It was the easiest fucking job in the world, and I let my feelings fuck things up. I can’t do that shit. I’m stepping away. I’m not a good guy to have in the position.”
“You’re the best guy for it?—”
He shook his head. “I’m done. Seriously. There’s no way I’d ever be able to look at her after failing her. And if she dies because I fucked up?” His jaw quivered, and he shook his head. “I can’t. I-I need to go. I’ll keep trying to find her, but I gotta get some space, man.” He got to his feet and left the room, his head hanging.
I closed my eyes and sat on the edge of the bed.
I needed to talk to Anson.
3
KLAUS
“What the hell is this?” I demanded, staring down at Ryder’s resignation letter from my security company.
“My resignation. Effective immediately,” he said in a monotone.
I frowned. “I don’t understand. Do I need to pay you more? We can increase your salary. I’ll talk to Anson?—”
