“It’s not. It’s nothing like what connects me and Teo.”
“You and your brother are bonded twins as well?” Micaela asked, her voice quieter, sounding as if from far away.
“We are.”
“No wonder Rafaela took an interest in you.”
“Why, though? For what purpose, exactly?”
“I would tell you, but as I learned, I knew not my twin at all.” She hesitated before asking, “What became of her?”
“She married into the D’Arcos of Zaraga. She became queen of all Zaraga.”
“Ah. Of course she did. That had been arranged to be my fate. I was oldest. I was to be queen.” She looked down at herself, at her glow, now so faint it was like a winking star. “I was to be crowned, not caged. I was never meant to be alone. The Fuerin gods gave me a bonded twin sister so I might never be alone. It took me long, such long decades to die. Without my bond, I was not exactly like a human. I was still at least somewhat a sänglure. Eventually, I did die. I was so, so very alone.”
“I’m so sorry.” How crushing had it been to wake underwater and experience my twin gone? It had broken me. And she’d endured decades like that before dying? And then centuries already dead and utterly abandoned and betrayed by the one person who should have protected her above all others? “I’m so, so very sorry.” My words trembled from the imagined agony.
“Micaela,” Baz snapped. “Your light is fading. Now, for your sake, you must forgive her.”
Her smile was the saddest yet. “I know not if I can. I loved her more than I loved myself. But now … now I hate her.”
“Release your darkness, you must before?—”
Micaela flickered for a single moment before fading entirely from this world.
Chapter 30
What’s to Come Will Pose Even Greater Challenge Than What Has Already Passed
Micaela was gone. She’d even taken with her that primordial darkness.
Left behind, though, was the darkness that thrived inside me, the wound that was my brother’s absence ripped open and oozing freely. That darkness I felt acutely.
We had never left Baz’s rooms, and once more our companions were visible. He and I were crouched exactly as we had before Baz acted as a conduit for Micaela’s darkness.
The Bazrians were already beginning to ask questions, but I clutched Baz’s arm. “Did she do it? Did she rid herself of enough darkness to make it to the Etherlands?”
He was shaking his head and frowning, looking so fucking sad. Even the slim braids that he wore through some of his hair drooped as if weeping. He looked exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept properly in weeks, maybe months. Or perhaps that was his own sadness making his broad, strong shoulders sag. For the first time since laying eyes on him, I questioned what I thought I knew about him. This man didn’t look like a killer—or not like one who killed without remorse. He appeared as affected by Micaela’s suffering as I was. Those beautiful eyes of his now contained an entire ocean of pain.
“I don’t know. She was close, so close. But I don’t know if she made it.”
“Can you check? Is there some way to find out?”
“If you’re suggesting Baz go into the darkness for you,” Zi said, “then no. Fuck no, actually. He won’t do it. The cost to him is too high. Right, Baz?”
When he didn’t glance at his friends, only at the space Micaela had before occupied, Night spoke:
“Baz, no. Don’t.”
Finally, Baz looked at where my fingers still squeezed his bare arm, hooked into him like claws. I loosened my hold. He patted my hand, then left his atop mine, caressing the back of it.
“I’ll do it if it’s really important to you.”
He knew it was. He might even guess at all the reasons why.
The Bazrians erupted in protests. Marina sidled closer, so that the hem of my friend’s frock glanced across my back. But I had eyes only for Baz, for that sorrow that encompassed vast oceans.
“It’s not worth it. It won’t change anything for her, will it?”
