I hum my acceptance, moving my fingers to lightly circle my bud of nerves. The truth is, I’ve had to get myself off too often. I don’t want to do it any more than he wants me to. I’ll come on his fingers, his tongue, his dick…not myself. Not by myself, anyhow.
He pushes forward again, this time with a bit more force. I still gag, but I smile around him, urging him on. Grady keeps going. Faster and harder. My mind wanders through time, landing on a different night. One of many. So many. All the same.
“Whore.”
“Little slut.”
“You take it like it’s your job.”
Words that initially were meant to harm, but I grew to love. Because they felt true. The only truth I had amid the lies and lies and lies. It was my job. Follow the rules. Do as you’re told.
“Lou.”
Take it. Whenever he wanted. Whatever he wanted.
“Lou.”
He degraded me all day. Every day. But I liked it during sex. The punishment of it. Because at least, then, I got something back. A small token of power that let me know I still had some. Somewhere.
“Louisa!”
I blink rapidly, Grady coming into view as he kneels in front of me. Eye to eye.
“Where did you go?”
“Call me your whore.”
“What? No,” he says angrily. “No, baby. I won’t do that. Is that whathedid?”
“It’s what I was to him.”
“No, Lou. It’s not what you were. It’s not what you are,” he says, pulling me to his chest. “Don’t ask me to be him. I won’t do it.”
“I’m sorry,” I plead, struck with guilt.
“I know, Lou,” he soothes. “Is it what you like, or what you learned?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” Nothing about my life with Pierre makes sense anymore. Honestly, nothing about my life before I came to Stowaway makes any sense. I wasn’t very experienced before Pierre. I’d had some casual one-night stands, a couple of very short-term boyfriends. Nothing that amounted to a well-rounded sexual resume, by any means. I didn’t know what I liked. Maybe I still don’t. “Some days, I think I wasn’t real until I came here.”
“Who you are here, with me, was always there,” Grady says, peppering kisses over my face. “Let that part of you live, Lou. Let’s find out what she really likes.”
“You still want to?”
“I still want you,” he says, staring into my eyes. “I’ll always wantyou, Louisa.”
“You mean that,” I say, seeing the truth of it on his face.
“Of course, I fucking do. And damn him to hell for making you question your worth,” he says before sealing his lips to mine in a searing kiss.
I dive into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his wide shoulders, pulling us closer.
Grady stands, carrying me as if I weigh nothing, down the hallway and into the room I’ve claimed as my own. When he drops me onto the bed, I bounce once, then settle in the plush duvet. He stands at the end. Watching, stroking his long dick.
“What was it you said you wanted?”
“My face in your cunt,” he says, and I spread my knees for him.
“I know I like that,” I say, coyly.
