His question freezes me. Chills me to the bone. I’ve done nothing but doubt myself. Until recently, until I came here andstarted to believe I had worth again. That I’m capable and strong.
He’s been a big part of that. But he’s not at the core of it. I am.
As quickly as the cold came in, it’s replaced by indignant flames.
I’m here because of me. I am who I am today because I fought to get out of a horrible situation. It was me who dug myself out of the dark hole I was living in.
Me.
“I know what I was. Who I’ve been,” I say over the stones clogging my throat. “And who I am, now.”
“And who is that?” His hands haven’t moved, but his fingers tighten in my hair, as if he’s clinging for hope.
“Louisa Susanne Moreno,” I say with a raised chin. “Successful model, damn good baker, and motherfucking survivor. I know who I am. I know that I’m not the same woman you first met and I’m sure as fuck not your ex-wife. I know that as truly as I know you’re not my ex-boyfriend. Why don’t you?”
I shove him away and walk further into the house, and his footsteps echo. His hand finds mine, spinning me back to him.
“I’m trying. I want to.”
“Then, do it,” I say. “Isn’t that what love is? A leap of faith? It’s trust that your heart will always find mine and mine will always find yours. I’ve never trusted mine as much as I do now. But I won’t fight for a man who doesn’t feel the same. Not ever again.”
“Love?” His voice is softer, now, edged with emotion.
“Yes. I was going to tell you tonight before you fucking ruined it.”
“You love me,” he says with a smile. He lifts me at the waist, my legs instinctively wrapping around him.
“I do,” I say without hesitation. “I’m not leaving. Stowaway will be my home. You need to decide if I’m here as a friend or something else.”
“Because you’re in love with me.”
“Irrevocably,” I say. “So, again, you need to decide how I’m going to be a part of your life. I won’t put up with you thinking I’m someone I’m not. Or thinking that I don’t know my own mind.” It kills me to say it. Those old habits worm their way into my mind, telling me to say whatever he needs to hear. Telling him the truth is like a thousand needles penetrating my heart with fear. But I won’t live by fear anymore. I can’t survive it.
I can survive Grady not loving me. I don’t want to. If he can’t, I’ll always yearn for what we could be. But I can survive it. I can survive it all, now.
“I love you.”
“I’ll be sad without this, but it won’t kill me. No matter what, I’m going to be here for Paige, for Jules, your parents, Sam, this town.” I spew all of the things racing through my head. “I’m going to keep building my life here, regardless of how you feel.”
“I love you,” he says again. “I love you, Louisa Susanne Moreno.”
“What?”
“You terrify me, I’ll admit that,” he says, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Not only because of what I’ve been through withBrenda, but because you come from this bigger than life world. I don’t know how I fit in.”
“It’s no different for me, Grady. I don’t know how I fit into your life and family.”
“You already have,” he says, sitting in a chair and bringing me with him. “You fit perfectly here. I know nothing about your life outside of here. Or what would be expected of me in it.”
“I’d never expect you to be anything but yourself,” I tell him. “Or do anything you don’t want to do.”
“What if I want to and I fuck it up, or fuck up an opportunity for you?”
“How would you do that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you need a date for some shindig, and I come spouting weird country bumpkin shit.”
“Are you kidding me?” I rub my finger over the furrow between his brows. “You’re hotter than any model out there. You could say whatever the hell you want and everyone in the business would still be salivating over you.”
