Frieda was playing classic country music through the crackly old speakers scattered throughout the property, and while I liked the music, I missed Martha. I missed the wind on my skin and the wide open roads.
What was more, I had never needed her discount to stay here. Even if Alex did end up cutting me off, I could still pay her usual rate for the rest of my life without even denting my bank account. At the time, it had felt like a good idea, getting a job tokeep me busy while I waited, saving me from dying of boredom, but right now, I was seriously questioning the choice.
When my phone started vibrating in my pocket, I wiped the sweat off my brow and prayed that it would be Avery, calling to say that Martha was ready to roll. While I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave Quartz Pass yet, I was desperate to be back on that bike right about now.
Instead of Avery’s name on my screen, however, it turned out to be the dreaded call I’d been expecting from Alex. I groaned softly, trying to prepare myself for the inevitable reckoning.
I’d been in Quartz Pass for two weeks. While I was surprised Alex had lasted this long, I’d been hoping he’d just decided to leave me be.No such luck.
“Before you start, I’d like to have it noted that as we speak, I’m holding gardening equipment and I’m making a contribution to society,” I said into the phone as I answered. “I’m being productive, useful, and I’m not just sleeping my way around this dusty town.”
“Noted,” he said, but then got straight to the point. “You were also supposed to be home by today.”
“Hello to you too.”
“You didn’t say hello either,” he pointed out so dryly that I could practically hear him pinching the bridge of his nose. “Where are you, Theo? Because it’s not Chicago.”
“My bike still isn’t fixed,” I said. “I’m stranded until the parts arrive and Martha can be put back together.”
“You don’t sound particularly torn up about it.”
I shrugged. “Panic is useless and resistance is futile. What happened happened. The bike needs parts nobody keeps in stock, and until they arrive, the engine can’t be fixed. Until the engine is fixed, I can’t go anywhere, so it is what it is.”
Disappointed silence hung thick over the line for a moment before he sighed. “I just want to understand what you’re doing, Theo. I know the bike is broken, but why aren’t you home yet?”
I dragged a hand through my hair and stared out at the empty desert highway that cut through the town, wishing I had an easy answer for him, but the truth was that I didn’t fully know anymore.
At first, this trip had been about freedom and adventure, but somewhere along the line, the concept ofhomehad stopped feeling as fixed as it’d been before. So why wasn’t Ihomeyet?
Mostly because I wasn’t sure exactly where that was anymore. Maybe.
After Zach had gotten married and Adeline and the girls moved into Westwood Manor, I’d suddenly become aware that I was pretty much a guest in the house I’d grown up in. I loved Adeline and the girls, and I genuinely loved having them in the house. They’d brought it back to life in all the best possible ways, but that didn’t mean it was stillmine.
So that was one part of it. As much as I’d loved everything about them being there, it’d made me feel like I should be getting a move on in life.
As for work, I’d spent years floating wherever people needed me, to different departments at W&S and shouldering different responsibilities every few months. I’d always been so adaptable that I’d just said yes to whatever they’d asked and then I’d figured out how to actually do it later.
The scary part had been realizing that at some point, I’d stopped making decisions for myself, but it’d happened so gradually that I barely noticed until I’d bought the motorcycle. That was the first thing I’d chosen for myself in a long time.
“Theo?” Alex prompted, gentle but definitely running out of patience. “Are you going to tell me what’s really going on?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m not quitting and joining the circus, Alex. I’m right here.”
“Right here being Arizona.”
“Yes, but Arizona, believe it or not, was on my way back to Chicago.”
“Where were you coming from? You know what? It doesn’t matter. That’s not even the point. The point is that I could send a jet and we’ll have you home before nightfall, but obviously, that’s not what you want.”
“It’s not,” I said firmly. “I’ll wait here until my bike is fixed.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Alex sighed. “I’m trying to figure out if this is temporary, but you’ve got to help me with that, man. Are you ever coming home or are you just going to keep taking the bike apart to give yourself an excuse to say there?”
“I didn’t take it apart. I swear.” I might as well have, though. Deep down, I’d known there was a problem. I’d simply chosen not to have it looked at earlier. “The engine started smoking and stopped running. That’s not an excuse.”
“It still doesn’t answer my question,” he said softly. “We have access to no fewer than six jets at any given time, Theo. You know that. I could send mine as soon as you give the word, and even if that’s not available, there’s Nate’s, Dad’s, Jesse’s?—”
“Probably.” I glanced down at the dirt staining my hands and the rusty hedge clippers. “I’m probably coming home as soon as the bike is done.”
