CHAPTER 31
THEO
When we walked into the little room that had been my home for the last couple months, I sank down on the bed, propped my elbows on my thighs, and lifted my gaze up to hers. “I owe you an apology.”
“You do.”
“I’m sorry, Raquel,” I said without any further ado. “I never meant for any of this to go down the way it did. I know that doesn’t make it any better because it went down that way anyhow, but I didn’t see it coming.”
More accurately, I hadn’t seenAverycoming. I’d had no idea he was going to turn on me like that just because I’d offered to help, but that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that I hadn’t been the one to tell her.
She stood a few feet away, just inside the door, with her arms folded lightly across her chest and uncertainty written all over her face. Those gray eyes shone with the hurtI’dput there and I wouldn’t ever forgive myself for it, but at the same time, I owed her the truth.
The full truth, this time.
Even if it meant laying my heart out to her, knowing it wouldn’t make a damn lick of difference to how this was going to end.
“I wasn’t trying to lie,” I said softly. “I realize that keeping my real life from you was dishonest and I know I omitted to tell you a whole hell of a lot, but I genuinely didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Raquel held my gaze, pain still shimmering in her eyes but the tiniest of smiles ghosting across her lips. “I never thought you were trying to hurt me. I guess I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t have told me about any of it. Who you are. Who you’re related to. What’s expected of you. I asked about your family and your life back home so many times, but you never said anything.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Why?”
“When I left Chicago, I honestly didn’t know what I was doing.” I blew out a heavy breath. “I bought the bike thinking I needed one last adventure. It was just supposed to be some time to myself before I followed in all my brothers’ footsteps.”
“By getting married?” she asked quietly.
I shrugged. “Yeah, but not just that. It was also supposed to be my last hurrah before I settled down in Westwood and Sons and moved out of the Manor.”
“The Manor?”
“My family home.” I shook my head. “I just felt like I needed a few months to myself before I really grew up, you know? At first, I thought it was to prove something to myself. Maybe to prove that I was more than just the guy everyone expected me to be.”
Raquel’s expression softened just a little bit. “You definitely are more than that, Theo.”
“Thanks, but I’m also starting to wonder now if I might’ve been running away.” The words tasted awful on my tongue, butthey were true. I just hadn’t wanted to look them in the eye until now because it was a shitty feeling, knowing what I’d done. “I think I was, if I’m being honest. Running away from decisions I didn’t want to make and expectations I didn’t want to deal with.”
My gaze drifted toward the windows, fixing on the outline of the first buildings of Quartz Pass in the distance. I’d spent so many weeks pretending this place was real life and that I could stay. Pretending Chicago didn’t exist and Alex wasn’t waiting. Pretending that the future wasn’t coming for me whether I was ready for it or not.
“Being here felt good,” I admitted. “I wasn’t faking how much I’ve enjoyed my time in town or how much I’ve loved getting to know you.”
She averted her gaze. “Yeah, it’s been fun.”
“It has. I just wish my childish antics hadn’t dragged you into the world I was trying to escape. I’m really sorry about that, Raquel. Truly. I didn’t mean for my world to come all the way out here and bite you in the ass.”
“You’re not childish, Theo.” She finally brought her eyes back to mine. “As much as I hate saying it, I kind of get where you’re coming from. The idea of just putting it all behind you and being faced with nothing but the open road must’ve felt so liberating. Especially considering all the pressure it sounds like you’re under back home.”
“Yeah,” I said softly, lowering my head into my hands. “Unfortunately, I was always going to have to go back, fall in line, and get married like all my brothers and my sister before me. It was a pipe dream to believe otherwise and a delusional one at that.”
“Why?” she asked with the merest hint of desperation in her tone. “If you hate it there so much?—”
“I don’t hate it,” I said, cutting her off because I’d given her enough false hope. I didn’t need to add any more. “I know whatmy family must sound like to you, but they’re not bad people and our lives arenotterrible. We’re not tragically oppressed by our crazy traditions, and honestly, I know it might sound like I’ve lost my mind, but even the arranged marriage thing makes sense once you understand the rationale behind it.”
“Right.” She folded her arms a little tighter around herself. “That’s what I keep hearing, but you must’ve been hiding out here for a reason, and a week ago, you were seriously talking about staying. Now you’re saying that was never an option?”
I finally lifted my head out of my hands and looked her right in the eyes. “I wanted it to be an option so bad that I fooled myself into thinking that it was, but I can’t stay. If I do, that’s it. I’m out. There are rules about this kind of thing and I thought I could live with the consequences of breaking them, but I can’t.”
