“Is it?” Gray sweeps his hand toward the room. Toward the hallway, where Mona’s bedroom is. “You’re bonded, but you look like you can’t get away from her fast enough.”
“That’s different.”
“How? The shit you went through—I can’t even imagine—”
“No, you fucking can’t, so shut your fucking mouth about it!” I snap.
Maybe Gray has changed. Because the Gray I knew would growl and rage when talked back to. This one just… sits. Patiently waiting for me to calm down. I try again, “I’m just saying, what happened has nothing to do with Mona. The bonding… it was a necessity, that’s it.”
He eyes me skeptically. Then smirks. “Nope. Not gonna work for me.”
“Gray—”
“Listen. That girl is my world. And even though you’re keeping her at a distance, your attention still gravitates toward her. She’s your world, too. I’m not gonna let you fuck this up. You want the past to stay buried? Fine. But I’m not gonna let you ruin your future.”
Arguing with Grayson is what I do, so I open my mouth to contradict him, to complain, to bitch. But nothing comes out.
Because I want a future with her. I just don’t know how to… be a good person. Be good for her.
She heard what everyone said about me yesterday. What I’m really like. A slut. A whore. Worthless.
A piece of shit who doesn’t deserve her.
I hated that look of pity on her face, too. I wanted to scrape it off.
But a tiny part of me wanted to prove to her I’m not that guy anymore, either.
Like he can read my indecision, my turmoil, my brother smiles, and it’s the softest I have ever seen Grayson Ashland. “I will help you, brother. For Mona, because she deserves a mate as good as you. But because you deserve a good life, too. We live way too long to hide from our fears. Just… don’t leave. Fucking promise me you won’t leave us again.”
His voice cracks, and I grit my teeth, afraid to look up.
My fingers curl into the mattress, then my nails dig into my palms. My skin is sweating. My heart beats wildly, my eyes sting.
And then her scent… honey and jasmine, though the floral is gentle as it carries through the room, like it’s feeding my soul.
No, I don’t want her seeing me like this. Weak. Pathetic.
Mona deserves so much better than me.
I get up, ready to escape. Out the fucking window if I can. But I make a mistake. I look over. Red hair still dripping like a drowned rat from her shower, her blue eyes shimmering, with Orion standing behind her. Before I can say anything, she’s flying across the room, into my arms.
She topples us onto the bed, but I hold us up, and she wraps her arms and legs around me, squeezing so tight we could be one.
“Please don’t leave me,” Mona cries. “Please, Silas. I won’t pressure you for anything else. I won’t force you to be with me, or even in this pack, but please, please don’t leave.”
Her pleas gut me. Indecision wars inside me, tearing at me, yanking me back and forth between pain and fear. I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared.Terrified.
Because she’s the light. She’s the lotus, just as Ghost said. I didn’t feel guilty for eavesdropping, because I needed to understand, too. She thought she bonded me without my consent. And the piece of trash I am, I let her think it. The truth is simpler and much more pathetic: I was terrified she’d eventually see all my broken parts and regret being chained to someone so damaged. So I pushed her away, made her think I resented the bond.
Ghost was right. I am my alpha. His needs and wants are my own.
And I wanted her so badly it scared the fucking shit out of me.
Mona is the flower rising above the filth. But maybe that’s okay. I live in the darkness, but maybe, if I can give her everything left inside me, she can continue to bloom in the light. And if all the shit I went through, and all the stupidity of my youth, if I can escape it, and end up with her?
There’s no question I want her.
There’s no question I’lltakeher.
