Love was in the way my father sacrificed himself for us and never broke.
The witches killed him slowly while my mother’s spell kept us hidden. At dawn, when they left, and the sink was still full of cold water and dirty dishes, and the radio still played salsa music, she burned my father’s body, sending him to the Moon Goddess, blessing his remains and promising to meet him in their next life. She packed our things with trembling hands, and as we fled our smoldering home, I knew my mother loved me because she never once blamed me, even though we both knew that I was the reason our entire family was slaughtered.
The witches came, and it was all my fault.
There is no respite from what I’ve done, from the memories. My foolishness is a wound that never heals. I found only a small measure of peace when, years later, my magic was steady and my shifter powers were sharpened to a blade, I returned to the coven. One by one, slowly, methodically, I killed every single witch who had a hand in my father’s death. And then I killed some more. They were my first mission, and it was as if a ghost swept through and disintegrated them all to ash.
Love is pain. It’s also beautiful. One, I can take. The other, I don’t deserve.
It’s growing harder to leave Mona. Each time, I feel like I’m leaving a piece of myself behind. I spend my days scouting, traveling nonstop—by shifter flight or airplane, crisscrossing the country this past week. I want to solve the problem with the witches. I want to protect Mona.
But the truth is a brutal fucking pill. When this hunt ends, so does my claim on her. I’ll have no other reason to see her. To stay with her.
I grip the book, De Medica Magica, and flip it open. My mother watches me curiously, her eyes clearer than I’ve seen in a long time. I’m glad my misery keeps her lucid. She pulls the book from my hands, and we research together, hopefully finding more ways to help Mona’s Seeker magic.
The sooner we end this, the better.
“I may have an idea to protect her, for now,” Mamá says softly.
“Okay. Let’s see.” I pull my chair closer, but she’s still eyeing me. “What is it?”
“Is Kendrick aware of your connection with his daughter?”
I almost laugh. The man has a way of knowing things. Something tipped him off because he’s been dropping little hints in his comments that he’s aware of my connection with Mona.“It’s likely he’s figured it out, but he hasn’t brought it up directly to me yet.”
She smirks. “Yes, he is the ruminative type.”
“It doesn’t really matter either way.”
“Either way?”
“If I… I mean, I’m not staying with her. And his opinion has no bearing, so it doesn’t matter.” The words are vile, but I say them anyway.
I’m ashamed of myself, but when I look up, my mother’s cheeks are glowing. She winks, like she’s got a secret. Luckily, she turns back to the book, and we spend the rest of the afternoon making a plan.
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Chapter 25: Mona
“Okay, Beep. You got this. Just show me what I want to see.”
I thought you’d understood this by now, I am not your omega. You are your omega. I am your wolf, she replies.
“Babe, you’re killin’ me here.” For the past four nights, I have sat on the edge of the bed and pleaded with my omega to show me more in my dreams, just like Ghost told me to do. I haven’t dreamt of her, not once.
Perhaps this is similar to our conflict with shifting. You are trying to force it. Allow yourself to be open. Commune with your omega nature, relax into her power.
I don’t think I can handle Beep sounding like a meditation guru. “I thought you said they weremypowers? You know, causeI’mthe omega and all?”
Orion chuckles from across the room. I shoot him a glare and he throws his arms up and backs out of the bedroom. “Sorry,sorry. We’ll just… I’ll make sure the guys leave you alone until you’re asleep.”
He’s still laughing as he exits my bedroom, leaving me alone to commune with my omega nature. Maybe Beep is right, though.
Of course I’m right.
I just meant,I think back at her,maybe I am trying to force it. I really want this to work. Andrea is not okay.
Andrea has been showing up for her self-imposed guard duty, but she’s even more on edge than usual. And I can see the anxiety in her eyes, though she’s only allowed herself to ask once or twice if I have any news. She’s both worried and elated, and she has nowhere to put any of those emotions. I’ve willingly gone to the gym with her a few times, the only relief being that she puts herself through workouts harder than me. Like she’s punishing herself or something, I don’t know.
