I lay it out, though it’s still more of a haphazard collection of ideas than anything else, and with Pearl here I have no choice but to pull her in. Easton’s fork slows. He listens. Whatever else I think of him, I’m grateful for that.
When I’m done, he narrows his eyes. “I will help you, but I’m not doing it for you.”
“Obviously,” Pearl scoffs. It takes great effort not to elbow her.
“I know that,” I tell Easton. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. For what it’s worth, I’m glad she has you.”
The ground has felt unstable since that awful morning. Since Rose told me what happened to her business and I understood my part in it. I tried to outrun it. At the wedding, I smiled and held her and told myself that I could just love her and that would be enough, but it was never going to be enough with this sitting between us.
She might never take me back. But I won’t let her walk away thinking the world is just cruel. She said we stole her hope. What a terrible thing to do to someone.
I drop cash on the table, though we never ordered. We have a plan now, and there’s a lot to do, and for the first time in two weeks I actually have something I can do.
I move to leave, but Pearl stays seated.
Easton has finished his breakfast. He watches her, fork set down, waiting.
“I heard you that day, you know.”
He frowns, not knowing what she’s talking about.
“After you told me you were gay. And I called you a—” Pearl stops.
Easton grins, but it’s got a violent edge to it. “I know what you called me.”
“I felt bad. Immediately. I did love you, you know. And I’ve never been able to… well, that was when I learned how to control myself. To organize my feelings, compartmentalize. Because I said something unforgivable off the top of my head, and I went to find you to take it back, but you were already with Inês and Rose. I sat outside the cottage and listened to you three. I cried. I hadn’t cried since I was ten. Not for real, anyway. My mom was supposed to take me for my birthday. I waited. She called from St. Tropez a week later.”
He shifts uncomfortably. We both do. “I’m supposed to feel bad for you?” he grunts.
She shakes her head. “My point is, I’d been learning to lock my emotions down. But hearing you cry, hearing your story, made me cry. Not because you broke up with me, or didn’t love me. But because you were hurting. And I loved you enough to hurt for you, too. That’s why I spread those rumors about Rose.”
Easton laughs. “Are you fucking kidding me? That’s your excuse.”
“I told everyone who would listen that we were getting married, going to college together. Then suddenly you break up with me? I heard you in that cottage, East. You were afraidpeople would find out, and you’d lose your chance to go pro. I was trying to protect you. If we didn’t mysteriously break-up, if you weren’t going to come out publicly, and instead, you were sleeping with Rose, it protected your reputation.”
Jesus. Pearl has a twisted moral compass.
Easton shakes his head. “That’s really messed up, Pearl.”
She shrugs. “I know. But Rose could handle it. It boosted your chances of flying under the radar.”
“And the fact that everyone felt sorry for you had nothing to do with it?”
She smirks. “That didn’t hurt.”
“Something is wrong with you, girl.”
He has no idea.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Pearl says. “For what I said when you came out. I know it’s a decade and a half too late, but. I’m sorry.”
“You know, you said Rose could handle it. But she shouldn’t have had to. Throwing her under the bus, yet again, doesn’t absolve you just because in your fucked-up mind you thought you were doing the right thing.”
Pearl blinks, shifts in her seat, then looks at me. “We ready?”
I nod, then look at Easton. “Can you tell Rose—”
“I ain’t telling her shit. I’m not doing this so you can get her back. I’m doing it so she can breathe again.”
