She musses the short hairs that cover her forehead––a habit I’ve noticed when she’s nervous. “We should talk to him about it, right? Let him know it’s a bad idea to call me that?”
This is not the direction I expected this conversation to take. I was hoping she was happy about it. That upon hearing it, she realized it felt right. “A bad idea?”
“I mean, what happens if we fail the test? What then?”
Ficq. I’ve been so focused on how happy we’d be together once the test was over that I hadn’t considered the aftermath of us failing.
“They’re going to take me back to Etirinu, and Akkal loses the only tetra he’s ever known?” She’s pacing now, chewing on her bottom lip. “I can’t put him through that.”
Of course she’s thinking of Akkal in this moment, setting aside the part where, if Akkal loses his tetra, it’s because Lord Forchan has taken her back to Etirinu to die.
If I had any doubts about the kind of partner and mother June would be, this moment wipes them all away.
“I know what that’s like, Ziv.” Her eyes are shining, giant tears ready to spill over onto her pink cheeks. “He can’t know that feeling.”
Abandonment. I, too, know it well. Long before I was officially banished, I existed without a family. We might have been in the same castle, the same wing, same room, even, but to them, I blended into the background, much like a maid or piece of furniture. And the feeling of being left behind by the very people charged with accepting you is a form of torture I don’t wish on anyone.
As much as I want June to remain in our lives, and I want it more than anything, is it what’s best for Akkal, given his clear attachment, if there’s a chance she can be taken away from us?How can I possibly reassemble the tattered pieces of his heart knowing mine would never heal?
Chapter 14
JUNE
“Can you put your comb and face colors back in the cabinet when you’re done with them?” Ziv calls when he steps into the bathroom to shower.
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, weaving my hair into a loose side braid. “Yes. Sorry,” I call back, trying to soften the bitter edge in my tone.
We haven’t slept together in two weeks. We haven’t so much as kissed. Ever since Akkal called me tetra, Ziv and I agreed to slow things down for Akkal’s sake. If we fail the second part of this test and I’m sent to pay for a crime I didn’t commit, I don’t want that sweet boy to suffer any more than necessary in my absence. Which means the pillow barrier on the bed has been resurrected, and without the physical intimacy, Ziv and I are struggling to communicate, aka we’re driving each other up the fucking wall.
I can’t read him anymore. He’s back to the detached man of few words and lots of grunts. Then I get annoyed that he’s keeping me at a distance, and he, in turn, gets mad at me because this is what we agreed to, and I shouldn’t be mad if it’s what we agreed to.
The test is tomorrow, and at this point, I can’t wait. I want to know what my future holds, even if it’s imminent death. I’m tired of not knowing, and if I can’t even have mind-blowing sex with my favorite person while not knowing, then I just want to know, you know?
I go out into the family room where Akkal is rocking in his chair, humming a song to himself. There are toys scattered across the carpet from where he left them last night, and I ask him to help me pick them up.
Ziv curses under his breath as he steps on one. “Akkal! You need to pick up your toys before bed. There’s no excuse for this mess!”
“Don’t yell at him,” I bark back. “I let him go to bed before putting them away. If you want to snap at someone, snap at me.”
“Well, maybe next time, you could follow the rules of this house, rather than letting him do whatever he wants.”
I whirl on him, ready to bare my teeth. “Are you fu––”
A fist thumps against the door. Once, twice, three times. I’ve only heard that particular knock once before. Ziv opens the door, and standing there are the chancellor, Lord Forchan, and Dumb and Dumber.
Which means…
The Test: Part Two
“Tomorrow,” I mutter once we follow them outside onto the beach. “You said the test would be tomorrow.” My gaze darts to Ziv’s. He nods in agreement. We weren’t prepared for this. Tomorrow isn’t the same as today, and we’ve…been so cold to one another, and for what? Suddenly, I realize this could be the last time I’m by his side. This morning could’ve been the lastmorning we woke up in the same room. After this, it could all be over. “You confirmed it would be tomorrow.”
The chancellor’s smile is tight. “Lord Forchan showed up a day early, and since the contents of the test will be a surprise to you, we figured losing a day wouldn’t make much of a difference.”
“Wouldn’t make much of a difference?” Ziv repeats with a look of sheer disgust. “How dare you? Losing a day that could be spent with my mate means a world of ficqing difference, you hideous feathered cretin.”
He charges toward Lord Forchan, his muscles bunching as he seems to grow in size. The chancellor steps in front of him, pushing him back, and I melt at the sight of him fighting for what could be our last moments.
The chancellor guides Akkal to her right as they take a few steps back, giving us room. They’re close enough to hear us, but there’s enough space for us to do whatever it is we’re expected to do.
