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“Well, that’s good. I am glad to hear it.” Cedric smiled.
“Um…the exit is coming up next.” I pointed to the green highway sign that showed we were a quarter of a mile from my neighborhood. I was bummed that this was coming to an end. It’s not like I could invite him inside.
Could I? God, I wanted to.
Cedric pulled off the highway and I directed him down the side streets of Malden.
I pointed. “Turn left here, this is my street.”
“Nice little neighborhood you have here,” he said, looking out the window.
“Yes, it’s very family-oriented, so it’s pretty safe. You can park right here,” I said, pointing to the space in front of the green two-family house that I lived in on the second floor.
Cedric pulled into the space, put the car in park and then surprised me when he turned the car off completely. There were no moving cars on the street and it was quiet except for the sound of a train horn in the distance.
We both just sat in silence for several seconds and then he turned to me. The streetlights were shining on his blue eyes which were now glowing. He seemed like he wanted to say something and we stared at each other before Cedric spoke. “I hope this isn’t too personal, but do you know anything about where you came from?”
That caught me off guard. “You mean my biological parents?” I asked.
Cedric nodded tenderly looking into my eyes and whispered, “Yeah.”
His question surprised me, being that we had just met, but I felt comfortable enough with him to be open.
I shook my head. “I don’t know anything, actually. Mom always said it was a closed adoption, so it would be very difficult to find her or…them. I never really tried to find anything out. I never wanted to hurt Mom’s feelings and truthfully, in my eyes, she was my real mother in every way. I never knew anything else.”
That was the truth. I had no desire to meet the person or people that gave me away. My mother was everything to me and I never felt slighted until the day she died.
Cedric looked down at his shoes pondering my response and looked back up at me, his eyes seemingly staring into my soul. “Do you feel differently about it now that she’s gone?”
I broke from his intense gaze, looked at the ceiling of the car and thought about that for a moment. “I haven’t really given it much thought to be honest. Mom’s only been gone a little over a year. But no…I think my birth mother or birth parents probably would have found me by now if they were interested…and if they never wanted to find me, then I certainly don’t want to look for them. So, I think I’ll continue to leave well enough alone. Hopefully, someday I’ll start my own family, you know?”
Cedric nodded slowly, soaking in my answer then said in a low voice, “I am sure you’ll make a wonderful Mom someday.”
Chills ran down my spine at the sound of his soothing voice saying words that evoked so much emotion in me. I secretly wished he were right and that by some miracle of my imagination, he could be the one to give that to me someday. My feelings for him were growing by the nanosecond. It was strange to feel so close to someone I had just met.
“Thank you for that.” I smiled and was hopeful that we could drop the subject of my history. I have never been fully comfortable discussing it. Bringing up the subject of my birth parents is something I have always avoided. Talking about it seems to demean in some way the only true mother I have ever known. I could never fathom how a mother could give up her baby as easily as my birth mother must have given me up as a newborn.
I decided to change the subject. “I can’t believe all these years we lived in the same city and never crossed paths,” I said.
Cedric laughed, his eyes now turning mischievous. He looked down and shook his head. “I think that might be a relief on my end. I was a bit of a punk growing up. You wouldn’t have liked me then.”
“Oh really?” I said.
I just couldn’t get enough of looking at those eyes. He had a darkly impish grin on his face now.
God, he was drop dead gorgeous.
Then, he continued. “Seriously, looking back, I realize I was a bit of a dickhead when I was a kid, used to start fights and break windows. My friends used to joke that’s why my initials spelled cock. Cedric looked at me for a moment and then broke out in laughter as he waited for my rea
ction.
I shook my head and laughed. “What, now?”
“My middle initial is O, so Cedric and Callahan wrapped around that…you have C-O-C…cock.” He laughed.
“Ah…makes sense.” I continued laughing, then realized something. “Wait…your middle initial is O? My middle initial is O too!”
Cedric’s mouth dropped. “Really?”
