That night, I stood in front of the mirror naked, studying my body from every angle. I had worked hard to make sure I looked perfect, flawless, but most importantly, effortless. My hand rested on my flat stomach, the idea of a baby growing in there making me cringe. Time, I had plenty of. Max would understand.
Those thoughts and my impulsive decision to flee the country as soon as I graduated from college would cost me far more thanI could anticipate. I didn’t realize how much could change while I was gone, and even more upsetting was the realization that Max wasn’t going to chase after me. I had gone too far, and I didn’t even realize it until I returned. While I was enjoying my last summer of freedom, I was determined to live it up. I avoided my parents’ calls and texts, deactivated my social media, and blocked out all thoughts of the life I had left behind.
Coming back to town, ready to claim my spot by Max’s side, I was stunned to see him with Sophie. My social media blackout had left me ill-prepared for the competition, my replacement. Max couldn’t be serious. He was just trying to punish me. I waited, approaching him in the shadows outside a crowded affair, sliding a hand down his arm. He didn’t pull away, just giving me a stern look.
“Still pretending you don’t miss me?” I asked. His nostrils flared, and his jaw clenched.
“I don’t have time for any of your games, Nat.” He pulled away from me so fast that I stumbled, crashing into his chest.
As soon as we touched, time froze. His mouth was on mine, his hand holding my neck, maneuvering me further into the shadows. Not a single word was spoken. Spinning me around until I was pinned against the wall, he lifted my dress and was inside me.
I moaned, and he covered my mouth.
“Quiet. Can’t let everyone at the party know what a dirty slut you are.”
He had never spoken to me like that before, but my body responded instantly.
That’s how it began: our clandestine meetings, late-night rendezvous. Innocent, naive Sophie had no clue what to do with me. I knew I made her uncomfortable, as she should have been. She was nothing but a placeholder. An understudy. I thought I had him at that moment. That he would drop Sophie and come crawling back to me.
But things didn’t go the way I planned. As Sophie and Max’s wedding approached, he made no move to change the arrangements.
“When are you going to tell Sophie about us?” I had asked one night as we laid in bed together in the penthouse apartment he’d bought for me.
“Why would I?” he asked, a dark smirk on his face. Sitting up, his eyes traced the lines of my naked body.
“You’re not actually going to marry her!” I snapped, no longer finding it fun or amusing.
“You’re the one who left me, Natalia. I never said I was going to break off my engagement to Sophie,” he said, sitting up, his back against the headboard.
“And you think I’m going to put up with that?” I asked, standing from the bed and wrapping a sheet around myself.
“Yes. I’ve already spoken to my mother, and she agreed my marriage to Sophie is what’s best, not only for appearances, but for Grandfather. Who knows how much time he has left. This is the only support from him I’ve gotten. I can’t lose that. You’ll just have to wait.” The words hit, each line burrowing deeper into my skin.
Helen knows? And still chose Sophie over me?
“It’s not forever, Nat. Just long enough to make sure I secure the future shares in the company. Think of Sophie as my starter wife. Let her do the hard work, and then you can sweep in and take your spot. You always did like the easy way out.” So lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t even realized Max had moved. Already mostly dressed, he was heading for the entryway to get his shoes and coat.
“You’re leaving? Now?” I asked, my emotions boiling over.
“Sophie’s expecting me at home.” The words hit me in the gut, just as he had intended. Max slipped his jacket on before striding over to me. Pushing me against the wall, he kissed me. It was dark, intense. It was a message. Pulling back, he looked me up and down before leaving without a word.
Since then, it had felt like I was constantly running to get ahead of my mistakes, only to wake up back at the starting line. That one fateful decision, the youthful impulse that sent merunning, had set me so far back from the beautiful future I’d planned for myself.
“Well? What are you going to do about this, Natalia?” Helen’s voice cut through my trip down memory lane.
I took a sip of tea, trying to calm myself.
“We’ve been trying for several years now, but I’ve never even had a positive pregnancy test. I made an appointment at a fertility clinic, but Max refused to go.” Not to mention the first two years where I secretly had an IUD, hoping I could just step in as a bonus mom to Eloise, keeping the pressure off me. Instead, her existence only put more focus on my fertility.
“What exactly did Max say?” Helen asked, something working behind her eyes that I didn’t trust.
“That if he could get Sophie pregnant, the issue must be on my end.” At the mention of Sophie’s name, Helen’s entire demeanor changed.
It was our strongest bond, our hatred for her. Sometimes, I thought the only reason Helen liked me was because I wasn’t Sophie. She was the first person to come to me, to tell me that Max was getting divorced.
Finally, it happened. I didn’t have to atone for my sins any longer. Max and I could finally be together. But it wasn’t how I imagined. Something was off. There was more happening behind the scenes that I wasn’t privy to. Too afraid of rocking the boat, of missing my final chance to marry Max, I kept my blinders on.
Now, there I was, married to my dream man, but our life together wasn’t looking so picturesque. I was failing. I wasn’t able to live up to Sophie’s reputation. Doubts were creeping in, insecurities seeping out of my pores.
