The front door sounded, and my back was turned. With surprising strength, the door slammed behind Lou, who stormed past me, head down and shoulders hunched.
“Hey, Lou. How was school?” I asked, unsure what to make of the situation.
“Fine. I want to go to my room,” she replied, already climbing the stairs at an Olympic speed.
Usually, she headed right for me. We spent the first hour in the kitchen eating and talking about her day before starting her homework. This was new behavior. Not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing, I decided to finish her snack: a Nutella and Fluff sandwich. It had zero nutritional value, but it was Lou’s favorite, and I wasn’t too proud to try bribery. So I took my time to cut off the crusts and slice the sandwich into perfect triangles. With Goldfish and a juice box on the side, I made my way upstairs with my bribe.
Awkwardly knocking on Lou’s door, I waited for a response that never came. Pushing it open with my shoulder, I found myself staring at her back as she sat at her desk, staring off into space.
“Hey, Lou. I brought you some snacks. How was your day?” Iasked, softening my voice despite the fear rising through me.
“I’m not hungry,” she replied, not turning to look at me. Worried now, I left the plate on top of her dresser before approaching her again, carefully kneeling beside her.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt? You know you can talk to me, Lou,” I said, my concern bubbling over as I looked for answers.
“You don’t have to pretend, you know.” She finally turned to look at me, standing up. Her chin jutted out and she crossed her arms in a move that looked so much like her mother.
“Pretend to do what?” I was struggling to figure out what was wrong or what had made her so upset.
“That you like me. I know you’re just pretending so you can marry Mommy. Then, when you have a new baby, you won’t want me around anymore,” she told me, her eyes getting watery despite the anger in her tone.
“What?” Not the most eloquent response, but I was so taken aback, I didn’t even know what to do with that.
“Don’t pretend! Don’t lie!” Lou was shouting now. I had never seen her like that. “You’re just like Daddy and Nat.” Tears were streaming down her face, and it broke my heart. More than anything, I needed to grab her and hold her close to me, but I didn’t want to scare her. This was so important; a conversation that was a long time coming, but I hated that it was brought to the surface this way.
“Lou, baby girl. Can you look at me for a second?” I asked, my hands clenched at my sides as I watched her wipe tears off her face.
“Fine,” she said, staring at me defiantly.
“I love your mom. You know that, right?” She nodded, her lips quivering as she fought back tears.
“Do you know that I love you too?” I asked, and she shook her head negatively.
“I love you very much, Eloise Marie. Not because of your mom, but because of everything that makes you …you. If you weren’t here, who would beat me at all the board games? Who would build forts tall enough so I could fit? What am I supposed to dowhen your mom makes meatloaf? Without you helping me hide it, I’d have to tell her how awful it really is. And snack time? It’s my favorite part of the day. I would really miss that time with you,” I told her, my heart in my eyes. Thankfully, I was greeted by a curious glance before Lou turned her gaze back to her feet.
“But when you get married, you won’t want me anymore.” My chest seized with the pain of my heart breaking. Gently reaching for Lou, I was grateful when she didn’t push me away and instead allowed me to pull her into a hug. She wiped her nose on my shirt as she continued to cry. Her tears and snot seeping into the tee I wore felt like a minor victory. She was letting me comfort her. Despite everything, she wasn’t pushing me away. I hugged her tightly, cursing whoever had caused her to feel that way.
“Lulubear, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If I marry your mom, that means you get to be my daughter. Do you understand what a gift that is? I know you have your dad, and I don’t want to take his place. But I’m hoping, if you’ll let me, that we can be a family for the rest of time,” I told her. The words were honest, even if they weren’t the smoothest.
“You want me?” She sniffled, pulling her head back from my shoulder.
“Always, Lou. You’re my best friend, and I love you. Never think otherwise,” I told her as she slowly stopped crying.
“Is that Nutella?” she asked, peeking out from my arms to look at the plate I’d left on her dresser.
“Yep. You hungry, Squirt?” I asked, happy to see her eyes were finally dry. She nodded against me, remaining in my arms for a few extra beats.
“Then let’s get you fed.” I brought the plate over and sat back down on the floor, watching Lou eat as she slowly started chatting about her day, her mood getting back to normal.
A delicate peace settled between us as I quizzed Lou on her spelling. She was getting through her worksheet when my phone buzzed with a text.
Mason: Need to talk - when can I come by?
Frowning, I typed a quick reply.
Linc: Once Lou is in bed. Nine-ish.
I wanted to ask more, find out who told her that.Was it Max? His mother? When would they have seen her?But I knew the conversation we’d just had was big, and I wasn’t ready to break the fragile peace we had found in the aftermath.
