Chapter 8
Silas
Out of all the scenarios I had played in my head for what was going to happen when I gave Elliot the news, him breaking up with me and immediately walking out of my life, as if he had been just waiting for an excuse, was not one of them.
My mouth opened and closed. I wet my lips. I couldn’t make sense of everything that had just happened.
It was over.
The room was empty now. There was no gear bag thrown at the foot of the bed. No hockey sticks leaning in the corner.
I had been prepared to quit my job, to either stay at home or find a different position in the hockey realm. Anything that meant I could be with Elliot. I would throw my entire career into the nearest garbage can if Elliot gave any tiny indication that he wanted to be with me. I was ready to roll the dice and gamble it all. Instead, I lost.
It was as if he immediately saw my promotion as an opportunity to drop me like a hot plate. There I was, smashed on the ground, broken pieces scattered all over. Elliot nowhere to be found.
After a while I knew I had to get out of bed. I pulled the sheets from it, including the pillowcase, the mattress pad, everything. It all needed to go in the laundry. I couldn’t stand to have Elliot’s scent around me. No way I could sleep in this bed without him when it smelled so much like him.
I hopped in the shower, hoping to scrub the scent of him off me, but instead, I was mocked by Elliot’s full bottle of body wash that he liked. I had just picked it up. I wanted to make sure he had a full bottle since he was going to be home for a few days. Should I call him and let him know it was here?
Once my shower was done, I’d find a box and start filling it with his things. Body wash, his spare beard trimmer, the special chopsticks he bought when he was in California. There were a ton of things I’d find that would need to be returned to him.
I wouldn’t let myself cry.
No, I had to have more strength than that. I couldn’t,wouldn’t, let myself break.
Once I was out of the shower, I dressed and fired up my laptop. I shot off a quick email to my supervisor:
I accept. I’ll take the position.
There. It was done.
Within minutes, my phone rang. I answered it because I had no reason not to, even though I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. No one could know that my heart was absolutely destroyed, my ego busted, my soul crushed. To everyone else, this was probably the happiest day of my life, a dream come true.
“Silas, I did not think you were going to take this, man. When you asked for time to think, I thought it was insanity. Who needs time to think about this?” Quinn said.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I was shocked, I guess,” I said. Thank fuck I sounded normal. Inside I was breaking apart, my heart shredded into a thousand pieces, but on the outside, I was the epitome of calm. I had to be. I couldn’t fall apart. I’d never bring myself back together if I did.
“Well, they’re going to be so happy to have you. Listen, your new crew is actually in town. They had a game yesterday. I’m not sure if any of them have flown out yet. You want to set up a dinner?I can see if I can get them all rounded up. A few of them are mated, so maybe they have plans.”
“Yeah, that would be great.” Just what I needed to do, keep myself busy so I couldn’t wallow in my self-pity.
I knew of the guys that I would be working with, and I’d met a few in person over the years. Other than their names and seeing them work when I watched games, I didn’t know a ton about them.
“Sweet. This is going to be so great, man. You’re going to love it. I’m going to email you the schedule, and we’ll make sure all the paperwork is all filled out. Congratulations, Silas.”
“Thanks,” I said. I put as much fake enthusiasm into it as I could muster. It seemed to do the trick, because he didn’t seem to notice that I was dying inside.
An hour later, he sent me the details of where to meet the crew. I putzed around the apartment, trying not to mope.
Then it was time for me to meet up with the crew. I forced myself to get dressed and walk out the door. I pasted on a smile.
My new crew was a rambunctious bunch. On the ice they were all business, but in the crowded bar, they tipped back beers and mixed drinks with the best of them. There was Xavier, a former defenseman turned official, and then Colin, who reffed in the lower league when I first started, and Geoff who was the most senior member on the crew. They were great guys. Theywelcomed me into the fold with open arms, asking me all sorts of questions about my life, most of which I tried to dodge.
“So, is there a lucky omega out there, Silas? Or are you the perpetual single type?”
I forced a smile back on my face. I nearly choked on the words, but I had to say it. They weren’t any different than the lie I told before. Only this time it wasn’t a lie.
“Nope. There’s no omega.”
